- Today I put Shindler's List in my Netflix queue, or as Mel Gibson calls it, “The feel-good movie of 1993.”
- If something is “neither here nor there,” then where the fuck is it?
- Lots of dogs chase cars. I had a dog that was so smart, she could hail a cab. But she was never so clever she could pull off paying the cabbie in “doggy dollars.” Nice try, Corky. Shahid needs $19.70.
I have a plan to end racism and all the bickering that goes along with it. From now on, whenever a woman is pregnant, the OBGYN will shoot some food coloring up the birth canal. We'll make babies all the colors of the rainbow. We'll make so many people so many different damn colors that charges of “racism” will ring hollow. We'll have Blue-Americans, Orange-Americans, Mauve-Americans. We'll be too confused and exhausted to keep track of who the victims are! Everybody will be a victim, so nobody will be a victim. And being green or purple wouldn't be so bad. Remember all those hot, colorful alien chicks on Star Trek? Who wouldn't want to date them? Imagine a nice big, green-colored Beyonce. Yum! Or for you ladies, how about a purple-colored David Hasselhoff?
And Don't Forget...
Fireflies in the Meadow
by Alpha Johnson
Now you can read Lightning Bug's Butt anywhere. This book has over 120 pages of easy-to-read print, featuring a year's worth of Lighting Bug's Butt posts and some never-before published material.
If you like what you read, you can take this book to bed with you (try doing that with your laptop!). If you hate it, you have a book to fling across the room (again, try that with your laptop). Or you can rip out the satin-smooth pages and use them for bathroom tissue.
Give a copy as a gift to someone special. Stuff one under the leg of a wobbly coffee table. Keep one near the crapper. Wield it to kill household insects. Or kindle your fireplace. Hand one into your professor as your doctoral thesis. Read it with your lover as a therapeutic sex aide. Make it the religious text of the new cult you're founding. Get it for whatever reason you please. Just get your copy today!