What do you believe?

What do you believe?

Awhile back I posted “What Is Your Law?,” a solicitation to readers that had them post their laws on life. It was one of my most successful post and I had a blast editing it and publishing a collection of my readers' “laws” sometime later. The result of the project offered readers a collection of distilled and concentrated wisdom borne from the wittiest minds on the Internet.

Here's the second installment: What Do You Believe? In your comments, tell me what you sincerely believe. What do you hold true in both head and heart -- even if you cannot prove it. What would you swear true before God or your Sacred Honor? What things do believe without doubt or reservation? What beliefs guide your life? Maybe it's the existence or the absence of God. Or that there's a fundamental difference between the sexes. Maybe it's something controversial, something really juicy, such as a superior race or the innocence of OJ Simpson, the Jets winning a Superbowl, the erroneous conclusions of General Relativity. Hit me with your best shot(s). I ask only that you sincerely believe what you post. It can be funny, incongruent, witty, trivial, offensive, objectionable, thought-provoking, trite, immature, ignorant or sublime -- just as long as it's sincere.

Also, you may post anonymously if you feel your belief is too hot. But I hope to associate these sure-to-be brilliant beliefs with their authors. And don't feel confined to only one. If you have several gems, share them all. Take some time and come back later if you need a while. This post isn't going anywhere!

If I get enough responses, I'll publish them in my blog later as a collection. I look forward to reading all your beliefs.

Just to warm things up, I'll start:

1) I believe “global warming” is a device of a socialist movement with malicious designs on our greatest strength: capitalism. I believe global warming has virtually no scientific merit. The reason the GW campaign has met with such success is because it exploits the great American weakness of guilt (our industry is so bad that it's not just destroying lives. It's destroying the planet!)

2) I believe the most prevalent fallacy is the notion that one can buy happiness. Corollary: we have genetic programming urging us to attain “just a little more,” so that whatever degree of material success we attain, it feels like not quite enough. In fact, “just a little more” is the antidote to happiness.

3) I believe Humor is the greatest of virtues. It's a uniquely human trait. We have the forces of evolution to thank for it. It's purpose is to identify incongruity and/or folly in our thoughts, behaviors and habits so that we may purge them and improve ourselves.


Laurie said...

I believe that the french fries in the bottom of the bag are the best.

So is the cheese on the hamburger wrapper.

I believe that nobody is a better pirate than me.

I believe that this life is a test. We just need to get a "D" to pass. Therefore, fuck up if you have to. It's all good.

Amandarama said...

I believe...I will have another glass of wine.

(although that's awfully predictable)

I believe you will reap what you sow and rip what you sew. Mostly because I sucked at Home Ec.

I believe that the pig is the most versatile animal on the planet for use by humans. We can use it for food, as a blood filter before medical procedures and as a pet. It will not judge. It just wants to be fed before you use it.

Oh, and I firmly believe in a ruling class...mostly because I rule (props to "Clerks", there).

Fathairybastard said...

Ok, well, you asked for it.

1. I believe Oswald did it, and that he acted alone. I think there's enough evidence out there now to prove this conclusively and that if you insist on believing anything else you're just seriously fooling yourself, and it says more about you and your own cynicism that it does about the event in Dallas.

2. I believe it's probably true that the planet is warming, and that we have something to do with it, but I also think it's mostly a natural phenomenon that has happened many times before in history, and that there's not a damn thing realistically that we can do about it.

3. I also think that the folks who want to force all sorts of draconian legislation on us to try to save the planet from global warming, or save the kids from drugs or porn or gun crime, or save the rest of us from cigarettes or booze or heart disease, are a perfect example of why our founding fathers believed government power should be severely limited, but it's too late now. We're screwed.

4. I believe that divisions of people into different sexual preferences and categories is primarily a social construct, and that people are born into this world with various and diverse appetites that are natural and normal until society decides differently. I think that heterosexual attitudes against homosexuality are taught from birth, just like every other sort of bigotry, and that if you're into it, homosexuality can be just as natural and potentially wholesome as heterosexuality. I think that adults should be free to do whatever they choose to do with other adults, but that society has the perfect right to draw the line when it comes to people who want to have sex with animals and/or children.

5. I think that when the founding fathers wrote the religious clauses into the first amendment they were primarily trying to protect the citizens of this country from people who would use government authority or the power of coercion to impose a religious belief system or the support for a religious belief system on others. I think that in our time, those who try to prevent any expression of religiosity in the public sphere are effectively using that same coercive power to impose their ideology of secularism, which approaches the character of a religion, on the people of America, violating the very spirit of the concept of separation laid out in the first amendment.

6. I think that religious faith is primarily a testament to mans ability over the millennia to intellectually elaborate on a profound story, to create something that all people need to believe in to fill the psychic void created by self-awareness. We are the only creatures, so far as we know, who wonder what is going to happen after we die. Maybe that ancient question is evidence to some of a higher being. To me, it explains why we need religion, but it doesn't give me evidence of its reality. I don't believe in it, any more than I believe in astrology or channeling spirits or any other "new age" mumbo jumbo.

Ok, that's enough for now.

Peter said...

I believe I picked a hard act to follow, FHB was really on a roll there.
I believe there is something inherently good about bloggers and blogging, nowhere else do we get to share in the hopes and dreams of people we have never met, but feel closer to than a lot of the people we know well.
I believe in the tooth fairy and Santa Claus when it suits me too.
I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows.

NWJR said...

I agree with you about humour, and that "It's [sic] purpose is to identify incongruity and/or folly in our thoughts, behaviors and habits so that we may purge them and improve ourselves"

With that in mind, I also believe that humour is ineffective and cruel when it mocks our CHARACTERISTICS rather than our BEHAVIOUR...things which are NOT within our control (i.e., race, gender, or humour which targets the mentally handicapped). If your premise is true--and I believe that it is--there is no "purging" of those characteristics.

Good post. I'll be back...

PlatinumGirl said...

I believe "closure" is a myth. I hate that word. You cannot get closure on a traumatic event or loss. The wound is always there, and though it may hurt less over time, your mind will always wander back to it occasionally -- and it will be sad and/or painful.

I believe it's bullshit that "Christmas" has become a four-letter word. The word Christmas is purposely replaced with "holiday" everywhere it used to appear, but you can sure as hell recognize the holidays, customs and beliefs of every other religion, ethnicity and person of the world -- and are expected to. Fuck that, and MERRY CHRISTMAS.

I believe the children are our future. Heh.

I believe cigarettes ought to be outlawed because they stink to high heaven and serve no useful purpose.

I believe I had another belief and I already forgot what it was.

Miss Cellania said...

I believe I will have to get back with you later on that. I believe the garbage crew is here and I'm not ready!

mcBlogger said...

I believe that fate plays a large part in my life. I make wishes on stars at night. I also believe they're not listening though. ha! ha!

I don't believe that any of the religions out there, have got it right. I'm sure there is something out there, but there is so many different interpretations and beliefs that who's to say which one is right, if any?

I believe that there is life on another planet somewhere. To all those non-believers of alien life forms, how do you explain our existance? We can't all be so narcistic as to believe that we're the only ones.

And finally, I believe that my dog was put on this planet, soley to irritate the hell out of me. Through a series of unfortunate events, she ended up at my house, and in my life, where I can no longer get rid of her as she's wormed her way into mine, and my daughter's hearts. Bat-shit insane dog that she is.

Pittchick said...

I believe I am going to be seriously late for work if I waste any more time on the internet this morning. I'll be back later.

Redneck Nerdboy! said...

I believe in past and future lives, either on this world or others. I also believe that I'm on my last life here on Earth thank goodness!

kari said...

I believe in karma and that people who are evil, given enough rope, eventually hang themselves.

I believe that dogs are the most loyal companion a person can EVER have.

I believe that too many people think they have terrible lives and they don't.

I believe that as a society we are overmedicated, especially our children.

I believe that health care should be free.

I believe a lot of other stuff too but I believe that most people are thinking, "enough already!"

Trying2BMe said...

I believe that people judge others too quickly by the outward appearance. I'm sure we deny ourselves love and friendship simply because someone doesn't fit the mold.

I believe that relationships are viewed as "disposable". People marry and divorce without much thought given to either.

I believe that schools should bring back discipline. I never would have dreamed to talk to my teacher the way some kids do.

I believe parents need to be just that.. PARENTS! You have time to be your child's friend when they are an adult, until then parent them and teach them what they need to know.

I believe that this life is just the jumping board into something greater. I refuse to believe it ends when we die.

Janet said...

If there's one thing I believe is that I don't know what to believe. I do know what I'd LIKE to believe though, so I'll tell you about that instead.

I'd LIKE to believe that there is a God and that everything does happen for a reason. And I'd LIKE to believe that everything makes sense once we die, which isnt really dying, but just moving on to something better.

Since I cant get the answers to these questions anytime soon, I figure that it doesnt hurt anyone to believe in it. If I'm wrong one day I'll say, Oops, my bad.

Ginamonster said...

I believe that I am right, and so are you. It's all about point of view.

I believe that if people would just pull their self absorbed heads out of thier asses, the world would be a better place.

I believe that we all have a choice, to be happy or to be miserable. I choose happy. That doesn't mean I don't allow myself to be sad.

I believe that no one should be told they shouldn't sing. No matter how bad their tone is.

I believe that it isn't always good to get what you want, but you always get what you need.

I believe that you can either grow old or die. I choose age. Not plastic surgery age, wrinkly greyhaired old lady age. someday.

Ginamonster said...

I believe that I am right, and so are you. It's all about point of view.

I believe that if people would just pull their self absorbed heads out of thier asses, the world would be a better place.

I believe that we all have a choice, to be happy or to be miserable. I choose happy. That doesn't mean I don't allow myself to be sad.

I believe that no one should be told they shouldn't sing. No matter how bad their tone is.

I believe that it isn't always good to get what you want, but you always get what you need.

I believe that you can either grow old or die. I choose age. Not plastic surgery age, wrinkly greyhaired old lady age. someday.

Blonde Vigilante said...

I believe that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. I'm not sure if there is a higher power around it or if it's just the natural order of things. Even if it's something horrible..it was something that was supposed to happen. Sometimes we can't see the truth until the fog or dust settles.

I believe that taking birth control isn't really very good for you, but I do it everyday at 1pm anyway, because I'd rather be fucked up with the pill than have your bastard child. See, everything happens for a reason.

I believe that educating children 0-18) is the single most important thing we need to be focusing on in this country. If we do that everything else will fall into place.

I believe that it's pretty fucked up that the people that plan prisons do so by finding out the 3rd grade reading rates of an area.

I believe I am a Republican.

I believe I am a Democrat.

I know I am middle of the road.

JJ said...

I believe that what comes around, goes around. Or karma, I guess.

I believe that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I believe we are put here for a purpose. I also believe trying to figure out exactly what that purpose is can drive a person nuts!

Life's short - play hard.

Mr. Friendly said...

I believe that the rapture AND the twelfth prophet is a lot of crap and that those who tie their hopes, dreams, and aspirations to unimaginable sorrow and destruction of those who do not share your faith are damned.

I believe that Republicans are lie spewing, graft taking, "tell the folks what they want to hear" bastahds only surpassed in their scumbaggery by Democrats.

I believe that Ron Popeill's Showtime rotisserie works. Works damn well.

I believe blogs should be funnier. Thanks for being here.

Linda said...

I believe that there are too many litigious people out there, just trying to make a quick buck. Hey, you! Why don't you do like the rest of us and WORK for it?

I believe that most people live WAY beyond their means, and that when they die, we as a whole, are burdened with their debt.

I believe that any mom who says "I HAVE to work" is wrong...staying at home with your kids and giving them a firm foundation is WORK in and of itself. You CHOOSE to work, because of the lifestyle you choose.

I believe that people who show up on TV claiming they are poor and suffering should NOT be wearing inordinate amounts of "bling". Same goes for those families begging for assistance whilst sitting on their leather furniture, watching their kids play PSP on their plasma tv. This is NOT okay.

I believe that if you can't "afford" to have kids, then DON'T.

Public assistance is exactly that: ASSISTANCE. Don't make it your career and only source of income. And for the love of all that's HOLY, STOP having kids - cross your f'ing legs, tie your tubes, suck it instead...what EVER, just STOP having kids - I have to pay for MY 2, why should I pay for your 12????

Raggedy said...

I believe I will come back later.
Have a wonderful day!
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from da Raggedy one

Molicious said...

I believe...

1) that anyone who walks in my office and asks to put full coverage on a vehicle built between 1985 to 1995 will without a doubt have a "hit and run" accident within 30 days which results in a totalled vehicle and my loss ratio to skyrocket.

2) that people who tell me I'm not "saved" because I don't suscribe to their strict beliefs should be beaten profusely about the head.

3) that there really should be a test you have to pass before you can procreate.

4) that deep down almost everyone is good and kind and compassionate. Even me.

5) that just because you're a different race than I am doesn't mean that you should get more advantages or disadvantages than me.

6) that if you work hard enough you can achieve anything.

7) that every dog and cat in every shelter around the world deserves a good, loving, and safe home to live in.

8) that people who constantly talk feel insecure about themselves are trying to make up for it somehow.

9) that the reason I don't have a child right now is because God isn't ready for me to be a mother. I might just agree with him.

Softball Slut said...

I believe that God should be put back in the Pledge of Allegiance and in schools.

I believe reading, love, discipline and education are the most important things in a child's life

I believe society as we know it will implode. People are too much into themselves.

I believe in Karma. If not in this lifetime, but in the after.

I believe in doing one good car deed a day. (letting a driver cut in front of you, etc)

I believe in puppies and kittens.

I believe in the power of love.

I dont believe in our government.

I do believe in a higher power, but he didnt tell me to kill anyone.

I believe in the power of music.

I dont believe what is in McDonald's nuggets.

I believe cigarettes and alcohol will kill you.

I dont believe in me.

Softball Slut said...

I dont believe in borders. They are just man made. If God had wanted borders he would have made them.

I believe in coats and sweaters in the winter and bikinis in the summer.

I believe in God.

I believe in the power of a cold 6 pack and a cold river with a tube on it.

Toom witha Vu said...

I believe in the power of beer to open lines of communication.I believe that in every bag of Frito Lays there is karma.I believe that all women should be laid.I believe in Santa Claus and the three wise guys. I believe in the tooth gay person.I believe in personal responsibility and there fore I believe in being responsible for these beliefs.I believe in the golden rule: the more gold ya have the more chance to rule.Right now I believe I'll have another brew or two.

NWJR said...

I believe I should be able to eat, drink, or smoke whatever the fuck I want to, and if you don't like it, it's none of your business.

I believe that people who attempt to control under the guise of altruism (i.e., "I'm concerned for your health" or "it's for the children") are the biggest hypocrites on the face of the earth.

I believe that if you don't fight for the rights of people to live their lives without interference, there will be no one to fight for you when "they" come to take away a freedom that is important to you.

I believe that many of my fellow liberal thinkers are among the most intolerant people on the face of the earth.

I believe in God and I believe in the divinity of Jesus.

I believe evangelical Christians are among the most annoying people on the planet.

I believe religious wars are as silly as fighting over who was better, Kirk or Picard.

I believe Picard was better.

I believe LBB is too young to be so conservative.

I belive in global warming because it is a scientifically provable fact, but I do not believe humankind has a significant influence on the planet's rising temperatures.

I believe colour should be spelled with a "U".

I believe in the power of the individual, and that no individual should be denied the power to reach their full potential, no matter what their mental or physical handicap.

I believe the words "nigger" and "retard" should be stricken from the language, as they serve no purpose other than to hurt and denigrate entire classes of people based on something that is beyond their ability to control.

I believe that if you don't like the way I look, walk, talk or dress, you can avert your eyes without affecting an air of superiority in order to make yourself feel better at my expense.

I believe GW Bush is well-meaning but misguided. And also a jackass.

I believe that there's nothing more serious to a person than his or her religion, and nothing more amusing than someone else's.

I believe that there's nothing more serious to a person than his or her sexual fetish, and nothing more amusing than someone else's.

I believe smart women are the sexiest things on the planet.

I believe it also helps if they have perky breasts.

I believe that someone will be offended by the above statement.

I believe LBB far too young to be so conservative, far too intelligent to be so cynical, and, given that he has the potential for greatness, far too talented to waste much so much of his time on childish rants and sexist/homophobic "humour"--that he is at his best when his writing is biting without being cruel.

I believe I'm finished now.

NWJR said...

Oh, and one more. Sorry to hijack your comments section:

I believe that despite any efforts I might take to avoid the inevitable, the day will come when I shall die, and therefore saying that I should avoid a particular behaviour/food/pleasure because "it will kill me" is somewhat disingenuous.

Jordan said...

I believe a lot of things... I believe way too many people when I shouldn't.
I believing I should stop believing in some people / things.
I believe that everything does NOT happen for a reason. (if so, why are children murdered? what is the reason for THAT?)etc.
I believe in somehow, way, shape or form you will reap what you sow.
I still believe in Christmas.. that's right,.. Christmas.
I believe what I want to believe, don't try to persuade me, unless I'm in harms' way.
I believe I can fly..I believe I can touch the sky.
I believe in my NY Yankees :)

Scottsdale Girl said...

"Do unto others as you would have done unto you"

This applies nicely in sexual situations as well as office water cooler talk. I like the versitility of it.

Scottsdale Girl said...

Damn... versAtility of it

Riss said...

Hee, I have had a post in my drafts forever that has my thoughts on all the political issues. I'll cut and paste some and add others. This won't be cleansing for me though because I'm pretty honest on my blog.

I believe:

That loyalty is the best trait in a friend, followed closely by "deviant sense of humor."

That if 4% of the people pay 90% of the taxes then they should just round it up and give the rest of us a break.

That it doesn't just end when you die.

That it doesn't hurt anyone for me to believe that the people I love who are gone from this world, have gone somewhere better.

That having an opinion which differs from mine is better than having no opinion at all. Unless you're just parroting what you hear, in which case shut the fuck up.

That laughter doesn't fix everything but it makes you stronger so you can try.

That some people are just crazy and you can't explain it, rehabilitate it or understand it. Just check the "crazy" column off and move on.

That living to eat is better than eating to live, as long as you have the willpower to get your ass on a treadmill.

JewelKowing said...

I believe that friends come into our lives for a reason, and we never know what that reason is until they are gone.

I believe that humor good enough to cause spit-takes is crucial to keep anyone happy and healthy.

I believe that love can heal, hope, and endure, but not all things. If I ever meet a parent that says it is OK to rape their child I am missing the whole love part there....

I believe that closure is a word that is designed to put the "time to move on as best you can" stamp on the situation. Trauma and pain shape our thoughts, and to minimizse them completely with something as bland as closure is silly. However, walking around displaying that pain for years like a hair shirt can be silly sometimes too.

I believe that band geeks rawk!

I believe that chocolate is an amazing cure for depression.

I believe that if chocolate fails we should just put Zoloft in the drinking water and have a happier world.

I believe that California's housing prices are ridiculous.

I believe that cuddling with your honey can make some of the daily grind less grinding.

I believe I am about to go cuddle, and try to get some nookie.

Sammy L said...

I believe I am sick and tired of these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane.

frozen ananas said...

i believe that you will get what you deserve, sooner or later. though i always hope to get away with more.

The Doggy Did It said...

I believe that there is a special place in Heaven for mothers of obnoxious children. God I sure hope so!

Danke Shane said...

I believe that most really enjoy the misery of others even though they would never admit it.

I believe that this nation has become so politically correct that we have forgotten that we don't have the right to NOT be offended.

I believe with all of my heart that almost every other nation on Earth would LOVE to see America fall, and that it is mostly because they are jealous of our success as the world's strongest superpower. And because we had the first McDonalds.

Al said...

I believe I'll have another beer.

People are where they are because they choose to be there. If they didn't like it, they would do something to change it.

"Beer is proof that God loves us." (Ben Franklin)

Nobody gets out of here alive. They really ARE out to get you.

Reality is a nice place to visit but I wouldn't want to live there.

Migraine Boy said...

I believe the universe is round. In other words, if you had a telescope powerful enough, you could look out into space and see the other side of the Earth

Anonymous said...

I believe that "Queers" Lezbo's and Homosexuals are freaks! I believe that they should not be allowed to marry or raise children.

I believe that they should be disposed of! I honestly believe that the world would be better if they were gone!

Leesa said...

Wow..this is great.
I'll have to come back though.

Carrie said...

I believe that society is spiraling out of control. Everyone has a problem with something or someone and everyone is trying to get government to step in to ban whatever it is they don't like.

Politicians are happy to do what is asked if the money or fame is right. I believe that we will eventually end up in Big Brother society if people don't chill the hell out and follow the 'live and let live' principle and stop worrying about who believes what and who has a bad habit and start focusing on real issues like poverty and true criminal acts.

I believe in the notion that great societies destroy themselves from within.

This is fun. :)

Miss Understanding said...

I believe in relationship and not religion. Traditions and rote rituals will not save your ass.

I also believe in being myself (took me long enough to figure this one out, efn 40 years to be exact), I am NOT perfect and have a right to be my own imperfect self.

I believe there is no such thing as coincidence or cawinkiedink everything has a reason. Case in point; in November I had a small fender bender and got a small settlement BEZACKTLY when I had to move at short notice and had vewwy little savings. Someone was watching my back!

Ok, that is all for now, thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

Tense Teacher said...

I believe that marriage is the hardest job I will never get paid for, but it's also the most rewarding one.

I believe that stupidity is based as much on heredity as on environment and that it's more rampant and worse with each passing generation. (I guess a simpler way of saying that would be, "I believe that people are getting more stupid.")

Video X said...

I believe we are in the Era of Child Adoration and I fear we will never recover...or I fear I will punch some kid's lights out if we do not recover.

I believe that our boys are being forced into this whole "metro" thing and that MEN will no longer exist eventually. Slowly, they are being drowned out. I do my part by supporting farting, burping, porn-watching, and blow jobs...but I do not think it is enough...I also have made my own son play in the mud and be a BOY in general...but still...not enough people do these things. Eventually, we will all be one freaking sex. It's insanity. I hope the world blows up before then.

D e s i g n Girl said...

I believe in fate and that things happen for a reason

I believe in reincarnation

I believe that there is someone out there for everyone and it may be up to you to find that person.

I do believe what comes around goes around esp. if you do something really bad

I believe having a dog is the best way to cure loneliness and that having a pet helps you to live longer

I believe life is what you make it

I believe in true love but to keep it you must work at it (anyone in a serious relationship knows this)

I believe the Catholic religion is the biggest crock of shit (and just a way to control people via guilt)

I believe that if there is a hell, I might be in big trouble for not having more religious beliefs but I'm still holding out hope there is none

I believe making yourself look nice can make you a happier more confident person

Noir Muse said...

I believe in Pamprin, luck, vodka, and bobby pins. (not necessarily in that order)

Literary types are the sexiest people on the face of the earth; this I believe.

Toni said...


I believe that there are too many stupid people on the planet, and I tend to encounter most of them on the freeway.

I believe that kids are really spoiled these days and that parents should spend more time putting their foot up their bratty asses.

On a related note, I believe that people complain too much these days about the slightest thing.

I believe in God, but that a lot of people have screwed up His good name.

At the same time, I believe in karma- whatever you do will bite you in the ass someday.

I believe that steak, lobster, and dark chocolate are the greatest foods on earth.

Toni said...

Ooo, I just thought of another one. I believe that you're never too old to learn something. I learned how to swim this summer, and one of my ex-coworkers is a 64 year old pastor striving for a PhD.

nongirlfriend said...

I believe that chickens make terrible pets.

Blogarita said...

I believe that too many choices for consumers is the source of much stress and unhappiness.

I believe we Americans are spoiled rotten materialistic brats. Me included.

I believe parents should let their kids be kids and quit trying to schedule activities for every waking moment of their lives.

I believe the right religion is whatever brings you peace, even if it is no religion at all.

I believe in separation of church and state.

I believe in recycling and re-using whenever possible.

I believe imagination is one of our most underused and underappreciated traits.

I believe their is too much emphasis in sports and competition in our schools.

I believe we all have shortcomings and make mistakes. I believe we should do our best to help others correct their mistakes and overcome their shortcomings with compassion and understanding.

Blogarita said...

I believe I made at least one spelling error in my previous post.

tornwordo said...

I believe that there is much more going on than can be perceived by our senses. I don't think anyone can truly know exactly what is going on, but I think human beings who claim to "know" are kidding themselves and annoying to others.

Those who are looking for a "purpose" in life should seek laughter. That IS our purpose as it is the one distinguishable trait we possess. Have you heard of "laughter yoga"?

I think it is folly to believe that we can continue to create pollution forever without despoiling the planet. Pollution is like cancer for the being that is Earth - eventually the organism dies. I believe capitalism and environmentalism CAN coexist.

Bennet said...

God/Universe - People base God, and man on the concept of father and son because it's all humans can comprehend. In truth I believe the fabric of life is far to complex for any human beinings to imagine. Instead we rely of the father/son conept which is simular to a quantum physicist explaining the theory of relativity by counting noondles.

Racism - Everyone accuses everyone of being a rasist, but the truth is no one wants to be white even though we're all of the same genetic gene pool and the only difference between white and black is 10,000 years of genetic cell switches flicked off due to climate living on differet geographical earth locals where less skin pigmentation is needed. We're all spawned from black people.

Man/ woman sexes - Women claim to want all the power, but they already have it but instead of admiting to it...much like the devil's greatest trick which is fooling people into thinking he never existed, women pretend they're under the control of men so they don't have to take the blame for everything. Typical. Women act as though men are animals only wanting them for their bodies, yet they brag about how tight their jeans are.

Gays/retardation - We're not supposed to laugh at stereotypes but behind closed doors WE ALL DO! Even people who care for others with down syndrome, surely at some point they go home, get drunk, make retarded voices, and laugh about it.

PETA/ Supermodels - These people are so disqusted with the human race eyeing them that they would perfer to see all humans dead, but rather save the fucking cats and dogs. No matter how emotionally stable these people claim to be we all know they're fucking crazy because skinny people are just 2 Oreo cookies away from going completely postal, but since they don't have enough nutrition they lack the drive to unibomb away at will.

Blue944 said...

I believe that people should have to fill out an application and get qualified before they are allowed to have children. I am not asking for much. But people should meet a few basic requirements before they are allowed to procreate.

1. They can’t be a kid themselves.
2. They should not be living with their parents.
3. They should have a job.
4. They should be able to support themselves in this world…pay their own bills.
5. They should not be on drugs.
6. They should have a good income to debt ratio.

You pretty much should have to meet this same list of requirements to purchase a home in this country.

I believe that politicians should stop trying to regulate what I watch, read or listen to. I am adult enough to decide whether something is morally repugnant. Please stay out of my business and let me listen to the music I want. If you really want to regulate something, then try Reality TV. Not that there is anything morally repugnant with reality TV, it just sucks.

I believe we work to hard in this country for to little. I think we should work two days a week and have a five day weekend.

I believe anyone who has ever been arrested and charged with a crime in this country would attest that the “innocent until proven guilty” motto that we have shoved down our throats is a crock of shit. Now I am not talking about being arrested for having too many outstanding parking tickets or for a DUI. That is the cookie cutter, turn key justice system. Get arrested for something serious and you will get to experience the real American Justice System. This happened to me and I can tell you I was not treated like I was innocent until proven guilty. When you are arrested, they don’t give you a sign to wear stating “first arrest, might be innocent” to separate you from the people wearing the “rap sheet as long as my arm” signs so that the police know who to treat like an innocent person while incarcerated. It is probably a good thing they don’t do this as it might make the stay in jail a much more memorable occasion. Instead you are all treated the same – as people who have committed crimes.

Bennet said...

oh damm...I messed that joke up..I ment for the skinny people to blow them selves up at will...oh well, hopefully you get the point

Anonymous said...

I believe that people who can't tell a joke well enough to get it right the first time should stop trying altogether.

Mom of Three said...

I believe that you do not have to have the best finances to raise great kids.

I believe that many wealthy are downright contemptuous of those poorer, as if there is something fundamentally wrong with their souls.

I believe that prayer is a great way for people to meditate and organize their thoughts and priorities, that there is a greater power than ourselves, but that nobody is listening or paying attention to us here. There is NO explanation that I can accept as to how a "Loving, Attentive God" let's babies starve to death while flies lay eggs in their eyes.

I believe that we should be concentrating far more on making the here and now the best it can be than some "Streets Paved With Gold" eternity.

I believe there are far more good people than bad, but that the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

I believe there is enough for everyone in this world, but our meanness gene prevents us from sharing it effectively.

I believe that you can be patriotic and disagree with the current policies.

I believe that the way we treated Katrina victims shows how ill we are, systemically, as a country at this time.

I believe that many Americans are among the most generous people in the world.

I don't believe this guy they're treating like a goddamn rock star killed Jon Benet.

I believe that there are much more important stories to the history of the world than Jon Benet.

I believe the pendulum swing to the right and the ultra-"moral" has reached its apogee and we are finally swinging back to sanity.

I believe anyone who was ever abusive to animals will never be worth a damn to humans.

I believe I've gone on too long!

Dave Morris said...

I believe that people who criticize working mothers need to walk a mile in their individual shoes before making blanket statements and judgments.

I believe that people who are really well hung get their comments printed TWICE.

Dave Morris said...

I believe that people who criticize working mothers need to walk a mile in their individual shoes before making blanket statements and judgments.

I believe that people who are really well hung get their comments printed TWICE.

Jamie Dawn said...

1. I believe in God.

2. I believe that Conservatism is superior to Liberalism.

3. I believe that selfishness is the root cause of the deterioration of our society.

4. I believe I can fly... Oh, that's a song. I really do like that song.

Cathy said...

I believe that silently appriciating says more than a thousand comments.

I believe that I will always be learning.

I believe that gas prices will always rise.

I believe in the system's power to be changed and to function correctly someday with effort and sincerety.

Shoshana said...

I believe in smiles. No matter how much you want to smuck the bastard/bitch down, if you smile instead (even with gritted teeth), you'll feel a little better.

I believe that raising children is the most valuable job we could ever get, but it's mostly thankless and that why many botch it.

I believe that orgasm is inside the brain. If the mind is not in it, the body won't give it. Yeah, even men. Except that men's brain is mostly sex, so they could still jerk off even in coma.

I believe that people need to believe there is God, but I also believe he doesn't really exist. We just need to believe that he might exist or life would be pointless.

I believe that people who really wanted to die will not let anyone know they plan to kill themselves. People who does tell don't really want to die, they just want some help and don't know how to ask for it, or just wanted to be center of attention.

I believe that a husband who hits his wife should never be forgiven for anything less than a jail stay, and one year of theraphy. If a wife hits a husband, that I have no idea.

I believe that a good book will take you out of your dooldrums. Reading about other people's problem, even if it's fictional will make yours just a tad lighter. I believe in the power of books to take one away somewhere, better than drugs. Bookaholic.

I believe that an asshole will always be an asshole. Even when they become great religious figure who spout "good and fair" things, they'll always be assholes. It will come out sooner and later. Heard of 'once and ass always an ass?'

exile said...

i believe that no matter how "suck-y" of a writer you are, if you call it poetry people always say it's good.

OLDnFEEBLE said...

I believe Kinky Friedman will be the next governor of......um.....er.....huh....somethin' to do with no child left behind...ya know, that place.

Greg - Cowboy in the Jungle said...

That's funny... I just ranted about a new law that I am observing from here on out.


Dorothy said...

I believe the bigger your problem, the more incompetent your customer service rep will be.

I believe that the exact amount of patience you have is in direct proportion to the number of numbskulls you will find sippin' Dr. Pepper and farting directly in your path.

Fathairybastard said...

I believe my jeep is dying, and that sucks big donkeys. Haven't made a car payment since about 97.

But I also believe that having put about 325,000 miles on it, it's time to put it down.