9/08/2006

More bullet-ins

  • Every once in a while I have the nagging suspicion that Windows is just one, big virus that replicates itself every few years.
  • Some people contemplate useless things like who is right, Israel or Palestine. I choose to contemplate more practical things like whom would I rather fuck: Mrs. Brady or Charro?
  • The aging 60's kids are abondoning their rock-and-roll pasts and settling on Jimmy Buffet. It's a natural part of aging and settling down. I wonder who my generation's Jimmy Buffet will be when we reach middle age. I hope it's not that James Blount fella. I'll kill myself if it is. “I saw your face in a crowded place...” That could have been a Wal-Mart for all we know, James.
  • Like you, I keep waiting for the legion of robots promised us when we were kids. Do you remember how robots were going to do everything for us in the future? I believe they're on the way. I hope, however, that the designers understand our priorities. Right off the bat we need 2 different kinds of robots: the ones that can fight on a military battleground, and other ones we can have sex with. Lots of problems solved right there.
  • When somebody gives me cuts in traffic, instead of that thank-you” wave, I'm trying something new. I make a pistol shot with my hand, “bang, bang,” then I wink. The driver usually acknowledges by rolling her eyes. Roger dodger.
  • I could never be a battlefield hero. Those soldiers are willing to die for a cause. That sounds romantic. But I'd chicken out at the last minute. It would be the same as when I go to an amusement park. On the drive up with my buddies, that new, 72-story-high roller coaster, The Scrotum Tightener, sounds like a great idea. But once we arrive and I'm craning my neck to look at it, I'd start in with “You know, I had a couple of tacos for lunch. I'm a little queasy. I'm gonna sit this one out. No, I'm not chicken. I'm just get motion sickness.”
  • I don't understand dying for a cause, anyway. To me, any cause that risks my life is more of an ambition than a cause. Maybe wishful thinking better sums it up.
  • Swear words are like liquor. I'm always looking for something stronger. I remember when exclaiming fuck would discharge a lot of anger. Now saying it feels like reciting scripture. Cunt used to hit the spot. But now it's sterile. I say cunt 17 times a day. I've built a tolerance. Before long gynecologists will be using cunt as medical terminology. I need something stronger. Any suggestions? Twat? Ah, maybe.

47 comments:

Miss Cellania said...

Scrotum Tightener. Heh heh. You funny!

tornwordo said...

I like slit, myself.

The Wisdom of Wislon said...

Never heard of Torns, just the usual way you say it 17 times a day- hey why 17 and not 20? :>)

Have a good naughty word blast!!!

NWJR said...

I wanted Mrs. Brady until I found out she did Greg. Come on, lady, have some standards.

I'm still waiting for the flying cars. Oh, and Jane Jetson in every home. Now THERE'S a babe.

Here's a new swear word for you: "fuckstain". It's a gem. Trust me.

Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

Charro. Definately Charro.

Dave Morris said...

Charro AND Mrs. Brady. Aren't you into threesomes?

I'd say that twat is the new cunt.

Peter said...

Ya shouldn't say Fuck, it's a Cunt of a word.

Spinning Girl said...

"Twat" is one of my favorite insults. As in, "She is such a flapping twat." I also like "Skanky whore". Or, alternately, "whoring skank." See how it goes both ways?

I think milder swears are more effective than the old-time heavy-hitters. Try these out; see how they feel on your palate:

shitballs!
son of a bee!
goddam motherfucking skank!
oh, poo.
pooper scooper.

Those are some of my favorites.

As for your most pressing question, I would definitely go pearl-diving in the Brady Sea. You know Charo carries a minimum of 3 STD's. But Mrs. Brady has a Brazilian wax-job under that apron of hers, a rockin' ass, no fupa, and she smells like lilac.

Geek said...

Not only is microsoft a virus, They actually want us to pay 300$ for it.

Tense Teacher said...

I have suspected the same thing about Windows all along...

And Charro? Ewwww, gross.

Jon said...

While not stronger, I recommend the gender-neutral "douche bag" as a replacement.

mist1 said...

Twat is one of my preferred words. People just never seem to expect it to fly out of my mouth.

Sometimes, I like to exclaim, "Jesus Tits!"

jordan said...

I chicken out on the rides too... on the way there, however, I'm ALL talk. Cedar Point has the best rides I never ride.

Twat is definitely not more offensive than the c*nt.. see, I can't even type the word. I'm not sure you could come up with something more disgusting.. :-)

M. said...

Scrotum Tightner... Haha, that one just brightened my day :D

C said...

Trying cussing in Spanish. It is really vulger and good portion of the population may understand you and be offended.

I used to have this giant hand that had a pop release middle finger. I think I bought it as Spencer's or something. I had mad road rage in my early 20s and I would bust that hand out and flip the bird in larger than life size.

jules said...

Fucking cunt?

Oh great One said...

Uh..Charro? I bet Mrs. Brady is a freak!

Mom of Three said...

Mrs. Brady has dentures, otherwise why would she be the spokesperson for Polident? This could make her more attractive or less attractive sexually, depending upon your preferences.

rachel said...

No the word you are looking for is
FUCKWITTAGE. That should do it every time

amandarama said...

Before long gynecologists will be using cunt as medical terminology. I need something stronger. Any suggestions? Twat? Ah, maybe.

I like fucktard, personally.

Fathairybastard said...

Ok, I'd bet you that Mrs. Brady was a freak, and that Charro never fuckin' shuts up in the sack. I mean, that "coochie coochie" bullshit gets old.

I'm middle aged, sort of, and the Jimmy Buffet thing is not for me. Like a few songs, but still give me Black Sabbath (the first few albums) or Led Zeppelin any day. Don't even know that other dude.

And look around you. Robots all over. Microwave oven, coffee maker that grinds and brews automatically, and did you hear about the guy in Slovakia who got in a car wreck and was found by the emergency workers to be half naked with a suction pump on his dick? Next best thing to stepping into the old orgasmitron.

My favorite exclamation is "Son of a Bitch!" Feel free. Maybe in stead of cunt, my dad used to use the word "Skonk". It's a fav of mine. Has a funny ring to it.

And that's why they draft 19 yr. olds. Too young to think too deeply about what they're getting into, God bless em!

Violet said...

I have a robot that I can have sex with. It is handheld.

Too bad they haven't come up with something for men yet.

Melissa said...

Curse words. I like strings of them myself. Cock juggling thunder cunt and stump jumping sister fucker are two of my favorites.

Raggedy said...

Well my current fav is fucktard. hahaha!
scum sucking fuck bag is uselful as well...
I did not just say those things. I did not. I don't even know words like those....
I wrote a post for you on Friday and linked you..
I missed you.
Hugs Bugsy!
Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from da Cool Raggedy one

Evil Genius said...

I'm currenly stuck on wanktard. But twat still makes me giggle, no matter how many times I hear it.

Twat. (tee hee!)

Heidi the Hick said...

Ass hat. Seriously. It's so non-offensive, it's offensive. I'm overusing it right now. I figure with the speed at which life travels now, it should be dead-over by tomorrow.

I blame the robots.

Bennet said...

I have no idea what the hold up with the fuck bots is but I absolutely agree. Although I think the Japanese are currently hard at work developing a real life Chobit, Persocom and they'll have first dibs once again.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/4714135.stm

Also, I'd stick with 'cunt', and 'pussy' until the Americans develope a new one for that. One that better rolls off the tongue as sleek as 'cunt'.

Smitty said...

I'd have to go with Mrs. Brady...although the dirty sanchez opportunities w/ Charo would be tempting.

Oh, and the las bullet reminded me of the episode of Rescue Me where they asked the female firefighter if she found 'cwat' or 'twunt' more offensive.

Mr. Friendly said...

Charro for sure. Yes I would like to see the coochie - coochie!

As to curses, how 'bout the following:
fugtard is good but already suggested.
cocknocker,
turdcutter,
turdknocker,
turdpusher,
assburglar,
assbandit,
jagoff,
jagass,
shitface,
shithead,
shitfisher,
shit-for-brains,
shitkicker,
asskicker,
asskisser,
dicklicker,
dickwad,
dickhead,
cum drizzler,
cumstain,
cumwad,
cumturd,
alright, I am tired.

Greg - Cowboy in the Jungle said...

Charro All The Way Baby!

I always preferred, "You pathetic excuse for cunt spit." as an explecitive. It is more sophisticated than "Goddamn Fur-Burger." Or, "Fucking Turd-Wrangler!"

Then again, "Felch-meister" has a certain innocent sound to the uneducated, but to the people that need to hear it they either get it or look it up later and get steamed when you are miles away. I like the lingering effect of "Felch-Meister."

And I'll have you know, I'm 33 and a Buffet fan. I'm growing older but not up and there's nothing wrong with that!

Rachel Heather said...

damn that was totally hot and sexy to read

keep em comin

yeah weird things get me off - like wit

:)

Becky said...

Where are our robots!? I believe we were ripped off, GW is prolly hoarding them all!

Steven Novak said...

Oh ya...sex robots...good call...I've been waiting for those things myself.

I tried to build one of my own, but just ended up electrocuting myself.

Steve~

phlegmfatale said...

I think the terminally jaded like you and me can only find cusswords fresh and edifying again by cleverly combining them with other cusswords or very politically incorrect terms. Whoever came up with "fucktard" should be sainted.

mcBlogger said...

why not step back from the really strong stuff and go back to the beginning. Like when "crap" was a 'no no' word to say in front of your parents.

Failing that, I still like fucker, and dockey's arse.

mcBlogger said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Video X said...

I still like cunt myself. BUT...I suggest "cocksucker" unless you've already worn that one out...I imagine you may have...because I thought I was all cool and stuff for loving to say cunt...but you win because you are all past that word now. hmmmm what else...fucktard I guess...but that one is kind of yuppy-ish in my opinion.

Video X said...

oh....AND....i find that calling someone a "creep" can be effective.

It's Me, Maven... said...

Female or Male; straight, gay or bi... if it came down to Mrs. Brady or Charro... is there really any choice to be made?

jali said...

The book is here! The book is here! Going to my private office (stall #2) right now to read. Yay!

To the rest of youse: get the book! Now! Press the pretty blue button that says Lulu near the top of the page.

Miss Sassy said...

fucktard has been falling out of my mouth lately.
or, for the weak, fizznuts.

and I have to agree about Windows. What a fucktard program it always turns out to be, no matter how many fucking fucktard beta's we endure.
See how that works? I feel a wave of ease coming on...

Yasamin said...

Charro Hands down.

and Ass hat seems to get the crowd goin these days.

Sherri said...

With me it depends on the situation. If I ram my toe into the door jam while trying to play kickball in the hallway, I would probably say something like "MOTHER FUCKING ASS SUCKING SON OF A FUCKING BITCH, FUCKING FUCK THAT HURT!!!" But when name calling is in order, I like "pillow humper", "ass munch" or "dick face". I'm not too picky though. Whatever flies out at the time usually works OK.

flea said...

hmmm this is a tough one as i too am sick of a lot of the "swear" words. i seem to like crackwhore lately along with fat fucker, that one just seems to roll off the tongue so sweetly or even sweet Jebus!

try em out for a run :P

Lyvvie said...

Hell I'd fuck Charro - She's great!! how many episodes of The Love Boat did Mrs. Brady do? Ha, point made.

And are you trying to say you are part of this generation - like the one right now, because I was under the illusion you were something of a generation X-er. That would make our Jimmy Buffet be Robert Smith. I'm guessing. It's better than Michael Jackson.

Current offensive slang is : Bilge Whore.

Twat is too cutesy. Nice, but who wants an offensive swear word that cutesy and nice??

Danke Shane said...

Hmm. I think Windows Vista should come with a sex robot. Self replicating indeed.

Rachel said...

The most disgusting two words that I have ever heard strung together are alone both completely innocuous. Put them together and you get grossed out looks all around.

Cheesy Gash