12/15/2006

Tag-Meme Thingy

My good friend and sometime-nemesis NWJR tagged me for one of these blog-tag-meme things. I've always ignored them because I couldn't imagine anybody would be interested. But it occurred to me that I LOVE learning personal tidbits about fellow bloggers. I really do. Isn't that strange? We hate when others talk about themselves, but we love when others write about themselves. Anyway, instead of dreaming up a collection of quips or a contrarian essay on why bigotry is a virtue or some such nonsense, I'm going to post a little diary entry as described below:

"Each player of this game starts with the '6 weird things about you'. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says “you are tagged” in their comments and tell them to read your blog."


Six Jacked-Up Things about Lightning Bug's Butt

1) I use a Sonicare electric toothbrush. The unit automatically shuts off after 2 minutes. I like to go for more than 2-minutes (the wife would argue with that.) Anyway, I have a compulsion to power down the toothbrush manually before the second 2-minute interval concludes – otherwise I fear I'll develop a terrible disease. I've never failed to remember to turn the Sonicare off in time, and I've used it for 3 years. I realize how irrational this is. I don't really believe a toothbrush timer is going to give me cancer or something. But God forbid I let the thing run and then develop a horrible disease coincidentally. I can't spend the rest of my life – however short it may be – wondering whether I could have prevented it by following the rules.

2) I'm pleased with my image in the mirror, but I'm appalled at most photos of myself. I secretly hope that the mirror is more truthful than the camera. But I doubt it. Everybody else looks as good or better on film than they do in real life. Why would I be any different?

3) I live in constant fear of scorpions. I cannot enter a room until I have adequate light to examine the floors. I violently crush and shake my shoes and slippers before wearing them. Every blemish on the floors and walls that I spot with the corner of my eye is a potential threat. I often wake in a panic having dreamed about scorpions. Sometimes I awake slapping my chest or legs or wherever I dreamed the scorpion to be. It takes me several minutes to convince myself the arachnid isn't real. And get this crap: once I forced myself to step on a blemish in the carpeting, telling myself that it's NEVER a scorpion, so stop obsessing. I was in bare feet. Long story short: it was a goddamn scorpion. The one time in HUNDREDS that I assume everything is all right, it's not. The scorpion didn't sting me. But it didn't die, either. I weigh almost 200 pounds. I had to hunt it down and strike it 3 times with a shoe before it succumbed. Rugged bastards, those scorpions. That event changed my life forever. It taught me that all those little worries that never materialize (so you should just stop worrying) become reality the minute you dare dismiss them. Fucked me up, man. It made me a chronic neurotic.

4) I don't want to die. But sometimes a lack of obligation, consequence, worry and a privation of the senses sounds refreshing. Knowing that it will all end one day is very soothing. It gives me a perverted, smug satisfaction that one day soon, I won't have to give a damn and that I can return to that peaceful, 100-million-year slumber so rudely interrupted in 1971.

5) I stopped maturing at 12. Other than taking an interest in the opposite sex, I haven't changed since childhood. As a teen and then as a young adult, I assumed one day the aging process would instill a decent work ethic and a sense of responsibility. I figured a codified adult mentality would “kick-in” at some point. I'm in my mid-30s and I'm still waiting. My biggest priorities are still: sleeping in, dodging work and responsibility, watching TV, surfing the Net, scoring good meals and dessert, playing games, working out, hanging out, wasting time and doing as little as possible. No joke, people. Honest Indian. Mind you, I don't just long to do these things. I actually DO them. I've worked part-time most of my adult life, including my present job. I still watch cartoons. I still eat candy. I still play with toys. I still contemplate what I want to be when I grow older. Between leisure time and a chance to earn more money, I'll take leisure every damn time. I've tried, but I can't give a damn about adult stuff. Who gives a shit about careers, productivity, mortgages and retirement funds, really? Fuck that shit. In fact, these things bring about the sentiments in #4, above.

6) I hate, HATE loud noises. I despise TV commercials because they raise the volume to obnoxious levels. Go ahead and bullshit me, Mr. Advertiser; just stop screaming at me, jagoff. I hate the sound of a telephone ring. Must it be so loud and ugly? Must it sound so suddenly, without warning? I hate lawnmowers and leaf blowers and car horns and jet planes and popping balloons. I hate anything that makes too much noise. You can always choose what to look at, but you can't choose what to hear. So any unpleasant noise is an invasion of my privacy. Loud noise robs me of my tranquility. Strangely, I enjoy the sound of traffic off in the distance, when it's quiet. In fact, that's my favorite sound.

Tag: All my Blogger Idols (Big Daddy Dave Morris, Latigo Flint, Blog Ho, Tornwordo, Miss Cellania and Rizzle Dizzle Riss).

38 comments:

mist1 said...

What is it with photos? I'm seriously cute in person, but put a camera in front of me and I'm a mess.

Heidi the Hick said...

I hate loud noises too. I usually end up getting my picture taken when making loud noises. Unfair, really.

Anonymous said...

I was directed here by OGO. I asked her several weeks ago for a new blog to add to my dwindling list of entertaining reads and she enthusiastically recommended yours. Can't say I'm disappointed. You're a pretty funny cat. I think I'll add you to my list of sock rockin' blogs. I might even give you a nickname.

Purring said...

I'm not the least bit photogenic either.

NWJR said...

I'm completely and utterly shocked that you chose to participate in this meme. I suppose I'm going to have to link to you now, aren't I?

Miss Cellania said...

Since when am I a Blogger Idol? I'll take the bait, but it will have to wait til after Christmas, I'm booked up!

Anonymous said...

Every time I do a meme, I think to myself that LLB would never do a meme; he's too cool for that.

But you did one, and it was great, and you're still cool. But if you can actually get BDDave to do one, you'll be back to god-like status in my book.

Anonymous said...

You're so cool that I can't even spell LBB right.

Memphis Steve said...

If we had any scorpions here I'd hate'em too.

Oh great One said...

Just when I thought I couldn't like you any more. You hang out your freak flag. LOVE IT!

Scottsdale Girl said...

#2 - same deal here - HATE what i look like in pictures and who the fuck is that anyway? That is most certainly NOT the goddess I see in the mirror.

CP said...

I did the six weird things a few months back. Reading yours, I realize that mine were kind of ordinary. 'Cept the toothbrush thing. That's kind of freaky.

CP.

Anonymous said...

Very interesting peek under the covers LBB,
I now know why I didn't get a comment from you with my Nov. 27 post "I want it all- and I want it now".

Anonymous said...

Dude, I just thought it was my television that made the commercials louder than the show. I hate loud sounds, too. The sound that really gets to me is walking out of a store with a crappy, metal cart on a crappy, cement parking lot. That sound is so loud and makes me tense up.

heather said...

I am the exact same way about loud noise. Can't stand it.

AND I am happy with the way I look in the mirror but not in photos.

And as a variation of Miss Cellania's question -- since when am I NOT a blogger idol?

I kid, I kid.

Anonymous said...

Woo-hoo I've been tagged!!

This makes me feel so special, like when you were a kid and you used to play that game "Thumbs Up 7-Up" where everyone would put their heads down and thumbs up and people would walk around and select someone each by putting their thumb down. Then you had to guess who it was that picked you.

Give me a day or so, I have to sit and think about what's technically considered weird these days. I mean some people like to PEE on each other for God's sake.

By the way, numbers 2, 5 and 6 could have been written by me. And the only reason #3 doesn't apply is because there are no scorpions in New Jersey. But when I think about Arizona, that's what I think about, the potential for scorpions in my shoes.

Anonymous said...

Woo-hoo I've been tagged!!

This makes me feel so special, like when you were a kid and you used to play that game "Thumbs Up 7-Up" where everyone would put their heads down and thumbs up and people would walk around and select someone each by putting their thumb down. Then you had to guess who it was that picked you.

Give me a day or so, I have to sit and think about what's technically considered weird these days. I mean some people like to PEE on each other for God's sake.

By the way, numbers 2, 5 and 6 could have been written by me. And the only reason #3 doesn't apply is because there are no scorpions in New Jersey. But when I think about Arizona, that's what I think about, the potential for scorpions in my shoes.

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tornwordo said...

I think I'm going to have to copy and paste number five.

And yes, why does the telephone have to be so jarring, without warning.

Anonymous said...

I'm a Scorpio, not a scorpion, so don't hate me please!

Anonymous said...

The scorpions there in AZ are very poisonous aren't they? I'd be scared too. The ones in Texas aren't poisonous. Although I've never been bitten, one night I was awakened by one that somehow found its way into my bed and on to me - guess where? My crotch!

It's Me, Maven... said...

Dear Mr. BugsButt: I do not have an email addy for you. I would like to zap you an email. Please zap me an E at: ______ (minus dippin' sauce) AT hotmail.com.

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Anonymous said...

I use an automatic toothbrush that also has a timer for 2 minutes. I use it though. Now of course, after reading about your paranoia, I'm hoping it doesn't rub off on me, especially if I'm in the vicinity of a scorpion.:)

Anonymous said...

i am SO WITH YOU on #5! I don't think I'll ever truly grow up!

MIA said...

I have the elite sonicare, It pulses for two minutes then after a pause you are supposed to move to the next section. That's what I've been doing anyway... aybe we should look this up on google. Oh if you are into teeth brushing... have you tried aquafresh extreme clean paste. Ok so it makes you look like a rabid dog but, man it a mouth orgasm.

Anonymous said...

So, how about the Sound of Music? If played tranquilly?

Nah, you're right. There's too much rhythm there. Traffic is the thing, no question.

This is a great meme, by the way, but perhaps only if played by masters like you.

Anonymous said...

1. Toothbrush thing - you are a freak
2. Photo thing - I look like crap too - to the point that people do not believe the photos are even me (sometimes they actually look better)
3. Scorpions are creepy - glad I don't have to deal with them
4. Interesting
5. It's called Peter Pan syndrome
6. I hate loud stuff too. It hurts.

Video X said...

oh! Scorpions seem to be a good thing to fear. I thought snakes in the house were bad, but scorpions! Those bastards can probably get anywhere easier than stupid garter snakes that won't even hurt me. You definitely have a valid thing to be afraid of I'd say!

These were all fun things to learn about you!

Miss Sassy said...

I once heard about this place in San Francisco that you could pay to be in a perfect sensory deporvation chamber - you would lay in this tube that was tempered specifically to your body heat, it was sound proof and all dark and I guess you could smell yourself if you were rank but otherwise it was supposed to be some kind of meditative cleansing... kinda got me thinking "we'll spend all that time in a COFFIN doing JUST THAT so why would I pay someone good money for the preview???"

But add in the despise of growing up and loud noises and a fear of any dirt spot anywhere as well as household mechanical devices and I understand why this place made bank.

Thanks for the meme tidbits, I agree that its the details of the person that make the online personality work ;)

phlegmfatale said...

Ya know, I really hate loud noises too. A sudden loud noise will often make me yelp like a parking little dog. It's embarrassing, but people shouldn't startle me like that. Assholes.

Anonymous said...

Okay mine is up on my blog!

Anonymous said...

I have an unsual fear of scorpions, and not just because they're freaky to look at.

I keep hearing stories of how I sat on one when I was a baby, right underneat my bare butt! So, I see a scorpion, and I have this urge to blow the fuckers to smitherens. Good thing I don't own a gone. I can't step on them, that would mean a body part of me being near one.

I'd get anything heavy...book is quite handy because I am always reading...I'd wached that thing off, then I burn the book that touch it.

Been in TX about 15 years, and haven't seen one. I hope to never see one.

Does that mean that in AZ, they rain scorpions?

I'm with you on noises. Especially people who screams when they're having conversation. Ugh!

Redneck Nerdboy! said...

Strangely, I agree with every single one of those!

Toni said...

"I despise TV commercials because they raise the volume to obnoxious levels."

Oh man, my sentiments exactly. As much as I love my iPod, I absolutely hate their commercials. I'd be watching TV at normal volume when suddenly their obnoxiously loud ad would come on, forcing me to turn down the volume. Then when the show comes back on, I can't hear a damn thing and have to turn it up again! Pain in the ass!

Anonymous said...

Oo Oo! I get #2 I do I do!! I always think I've dolled up nice for pictures and then I swear it's the flash or something, but this round-faced fat chick is always there instead! I swear I left the house that morning with cheekbones and a chin!

I stopped maturing after 19. Every birthday is kind of a surprise and I often forget how old I am if someone asks me. I sometimes answer a few years off and then have to correct myself. Such a doofus.

I'll make a note about those loud noises Prefers quiet sex. No surprises.

Anonymous said...

I don't get the fear of scorpions. Dave is deathly afraid of them. Those and trains.

I guess maybe as a child, I wasn't exposed to the threat of scorpions, so it wasn't instilled in my brain to be scared of them.

Spiders on the other hand, totally creep me out.

Leesa said...

I love #5, and just about match perfectly with #6 except for enjoying the traffic sound.
Oh and I love my Sonicare ;)

Eddo said...

What No Masturbation after 12? Do you still have a penis?

For real dude, I didn't START until 14. I'm still trying to figure out if you are full of BS or if this is legit. I've never heard of this before.