7/04/2007

Doggone good news

Finally, America has wrested the hot dog eating championship away from the Japanese and squared accounts for Pearl Harbor Day. Hiroshima and Nagasaki were mere pinpricks compared to the bomb dropped today. The target? National dignity.

Here's a picture of what I'm talking about:



See the guy on the right? He's this year's winner. I forget what his name is, but he's white and American and he doesn't have hippie long hair or a "Buck Fush" T-shirt. Clearly, the best man won. Although he had more than that Japanese guy for competition. The person pictured below gave him a run for his money...





Who would have thought she'd have anything to do with hot dogs? I'll bet she'd be a shoo-in for the fish-fry and taco contest. She should excel at competitive eating. What, with all the training. I read somewhere that each time she makes an asinine remark, she has to eat a hard-boiled egg. Vile practice, but effective. It makes me want to cool-hand puke.

Alright, enough cheap, pre-canned jokes. And enough fun at the expense of a Chinaman. That one up there in the picture held a 6-year-long record for the most dogs eaten. Big whoop. These Chinese fellas eat hundreds of dogs every year.

Still, both of these athletes ate in the neighborhood of 60 hot dogs. That's more than Elton John eats in a month! Have you considered how much food -- how much sheer mass -- 60+ hotdogs are? Remember, these guys eat the buns, too. This 4th of July, the real firework display is going to be in these gentlemen's crappers. The prize for this contest ought to be a bottle of Pepto Bismol and a 30-pack of 2-ply Charmin.

I'll be brief and end here. I just wanted to post a few lines and congratulate the American guy who restored our national dignity by winning the 4th of July hot dog eating contest.

31 comments:

Chunks said...

Those guys will never get laid again.

Pukeage.

I can barely stand the sight of hotdogs since the Kindergarten Week From Hell back in '95. Two fundraisers, one week, about 1000 boiled hot dogs. I puke a little in my mouth every time I think about it.

I'm not even going to give you shit for bagging on Rosie...you're lucky it's your nation's day. :)

ADW said...

Sick, sick, sick, but at least we have retained the title of vulgar and useless contest winners yet again (=

MONA said...

Blimey! all that!

Shit!

Plenty of it I'm sure...in their crappers of course!

Yikes...I will never look at the fireworks the same way again!!!!

Dignity at gluttony!!!? what an irony!!!

Michelle said...

This was a big thing as it was all over the radio here this morning.
He won with 66 hot dogs only 3 more than second place. I am pretty sure I do not eat 66 hot dogs in one year.

Sassy Blondie said...

Anonymous is a flaming crazy fuck! Shut the hell up you douchebag!


I think that skinny guy is Japanese. They might get touchy to be referred to as Chinamen and all...

mist1 said...

I had a comment, but I feel sort of schizophrenic from anon's comment now, so I think I'm just going to take some meds and lie down for a bit.

CruiserMel said...

Mist has a good idea there. WTF was THAT?

Oh well, all that made me get over my nausea from the hot dog story, so it's all good, I guess.

Jenny! said...

Thank almighty that our USA pride is restored...I was seriously worried about that! I want to be sick now...way to many dogs!

Sassy Blondie said...

LBB-That picture of Rosie O'Douche-ell is really frightening. I think the quicker you post the next set of bullet-ins the better. I don't want to have nightmares.

Mama en Fuego said...

dignity and hot dog eating contest don't belong in the same sentance.

Heather said...

Blech. Makes me wanna barf.

Mom of Three said...

I always felt a little better when the Japanese guy won, because at least the rest of the world couldn't say, "Well, of course a Fat American won it, what do you expect? That's how they normally eat!"

But, I guess that's over. At least for this year.

Scottsdale Girl said...

Cool Hand Puke. Well played Bug, well played.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Rosie wouldn't get in this contest for fear everybody will find out she can win it. Great eat-feat by the American, though.

mutleythedog said...

I once ate 100 hot dogs in one go... no its true..

Legaleagle said...

This should be featured on ESPN The Ocho.

And I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Hammer said...

Egads, would think they stick a finger down their throat after the contest to avoid a colonic rupture.

CaCaBoy said...

Rosie scares me when she opens her mouth. You never know if she's going to offend you or eat you!

What a wanker!

snowelf said...

I just will never understand eating contests... Yuck!!

Alas, um...Go USA?

--snow

Cameron said...

BLEAHHH!

Athletes? Huh.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Ewwww.....

Just....ewwwwwww.

;)

Magnum PO said...

The sad thing is, I found myself watching the tail end of that competition on ESPN. It was at that point I knew I needed a life.

NWJR said...

I hear they wanted to have a "Rosie-eating" contest, but no one would play.

Lauren said...

Yeah, I won't lie. I watched the whole thing on ESPN. The announcer said, "We have just witnessed the greatest moment in sports history!"

I laughed so hard I cried.

I knew at the beginning that it was going to be worth watching. And at the end when the judges were arguing about "the reversal" (known in most circles as vomiting) it was pretty awesome.

melanie said...

yikes. just yikes. american dignity can only be restored through 60 tubes of "stuff they scraped off the butcher's floor" in a bun.

oh well, USA, USA

Miss Cellania said...

Joey Chesnnut is the US winner, eating a world-record 66 dogs in 12 minutes. He had set a previous world record only a couple months ago. Takeru Kobayashi (who is Japanese, not Chinese) had won the previous 6 contests at Nathan's. He ate 63 dogs Wednesday, which would have beaten Chesnut's earlier record of 59. Kobayashi was expected to lose, since he was still recovering from a wisdom-tooth extraction. No one else at Coney Island came close to those two.

That said, all eating contests are disgusting and give Americans a bad name worldwide, just when we don't need the help.

Crazy Me said...

So freaking gross!! Yuck!

Elaine said...

kobayashi had a good run but he's got jaw-rithis from all that hotdog gnawing. Chestnut..(that's the American hotdog eating guy's last name I think..chestNUT.) did a fine job though, I mean SIXTY hot dogs?!?!? Jeesh, I think even Clay Aiken would have turned into a straight man if he had to take on sixty wieners.

Ari said...

I started to watch that but just couldn't... too much wiener gobblin' for me.

Webmiztris said...

that is so sick. I feel ill after eating ONE hot dog....LOL

Fathairybastard said...

Ok, I'm OFFICIALLY a fat guy, and I can't even imagine eating that many pig nipple filled dawgs. Can't see it at all.