11/06/2007

Three little pigs

  • I'm a horrible gambler. A friend and I started watching a 5-disk documentary on the Civil War. I bet him 20 bucks that the South would win. Oops. Also, I made a side-bet that Fredrick Douglass would turn out to be the bad guy in the film. I can't win for losing! By the way, I hear J.K. Rowling is making her own Civil War documentary. In her version, Abe Lincoln is a pickle licker.
  • I read in the news today that a Japanese woman leapt from a building and committed suicide. Problem is, she landed on some poor bastard pedestrian. Question: if the lady was aiming for the pedestrian, is it technically a murder-suicide, or a kamikaze?
  • I hate when newscasters use the "N-word" to indicate, well, the N-word. Even the kids in Harry Potter learned to say the word Voldemort. Yeah, Voldemort was able to track them down, but they survived his wrath. That's just fantasy, anyway. Why are we afraid to say the N-word? It's not like Tupac is going to hear it, rise from the dead and cast some Rastafarian voodoo spell on us.

57 comments:

Hammer said...

The south didn't win?

Yeah Lincoln plyed the flesh flute just like J. Edgar Hoover.

Fantastagirl said...

I remember when the mini-series with Patrick Swayze was on TV - my cousin the very very booksmart one - begged her mom to stay up late and watch it all. Why?

Because she wanted to know who would win.

Superstar said...

I would like to know why it is not ok for "white" people to use it...but the African American population uses it ALL the time...50 cent sna Tupac ABUSE it in their lyrics...BUT THAT is OK?!?!??!
~shakes head~
I say NO way...Not in polite conversation.
NOT ok.

I actually get to talk about it when I study the book "To kill a Mockingbird", as the word is used...*sigh* Thank god for some civil liberties...:P

Honest John said...

You are afraid to say it...so why don't you tell us why? I either say it or make no reference to it, except in this case out of respect for your comment box where you obviously care. I am not offended by any derogatory names I am called by minorities because no matter how they refer to me, I'm comfortable being what I am. Their words mean nothing to me, so mine should mean nothing to them. Unless they find something wrong with being black.

Why don't you ever address your huge fan base Bug? Seems like you never even recognize the comments until someone like me comes in and inspires you to write an entire post about it. I'm trying to be less hostile and more supportive since I made you cry last time. I hope that's ok. It was embarrassing.

Preposterous Ponderings said...

About the Japanese lady...I believe by the time she struck the pedestrian and they both splattered...it would technically be called SOUP.

Appletini said...

Maybe Tupac WILL rise :)

The Sports Mama said...

OMG... pickle licker? Amazingly enough, I've lived my entire life not hearing that phrase.... lol...

Peter said...

I'm comfortable being what I am.
Says our old friend Honest John.... I believe most dick heads are!!!

That Japanese woman BTW, Kamicrazy.

Franki said...

Oh goody! Honest John is back. He yuvs you LBB. Moth to a flame.

I don't use the n-word because it's an ugly, archaic word. It derives from a sad time in our history and still contributes daily to the racial tension in our country. It really should just be laid to rest.

Lyvvie said...

I had to have the talk with my eight year old about racism and how some words aren't acceptable to say. This was prompted by her dancing about saying "I'm a Chinkie-Chinese!" and apparently she was only saying it because it rhymed and not because of any racist comment she heard. Poor girl, an accidental racism moment.

I had an accidental racism moment once too when I first moved to Scotland. We were going out for pizza and a few beers, so I said "I'll pop into the packie and get some beer." to which my Husband was horrified "You can't say Paki! that's horribly racist!" and I was very confused as I was meaning package store (Are liquor stores only called package stores in the NE?) and he thought I meant a Pakistani person.

Any way someone could accidentally say "The N-Word"?

Paul said...

No big deal about losing your bet. I saw "Guess Who's Coming To Dinner?" three times. And, guessed wrong every time.

tornwordo said...

I've adopted nappy headed. It makes me laugh and probably won't get me shot.

RoxRocks said...

Pickle licker. LOL!

Honest John is back? Too bad I don't have PMS this week.

You have to be the owner to say it. Chapelle can say "The N-Word" and it's funny but when Kramer (or Dog) says it, it's not. Like when I say "I'm a bitch" it's a self-accepting term. If hubby calls me a bitch? Well, it's on! Same same.

Midas said...

I thought the south won. I got A in US History. I am sure the documentary you got was horribly wrong.


Seriously...I think the woman must have known she'll end up taking someone out. It's Japan...they have so many people and not enough land...how could she think otherwise?

Did you hear about that 16-year-old who hired a hitman for his parents because he was taken off Xbox and suspended from TV?

OMG...what a twerp. Someone should have spent time and put him on time-out long before the hit-man phase!

snowelf said...

TuPac might not be able to rise from the dead, but I'd be pretty funny if he did.
I mean, really, a zombie TuPac...that's funny.

--snow

Honest John said...

I suppose a guy named Peter would know all about dick heads...

BV said...

Y'all niggaz about to feel this Ain't nuttin but a gangsta party
Break out the champagne glasses
and the motherfuckin condoms
Have one on us aight??

Mo said...

I heard about the Asian lady taking out a couple of people on her way down. I'm thinking it was manslaughter. No way she could aim that well. Have you seen how they drive?

Susan as herself said...

Just to fulfill one last stereotype, did the Japanese lady snap photos with her giant camera as she whooshed through space?

Loving Annie said...

Tupac may not, but what about Malcom X ?

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Technically, it is an "I Got Lucky." Keep it in mind.

And about the N-word, I don't get this. Is is never, no-no, nitpicker or nutty? One of those, I bet.

random moments said...

N word. Ninny? Nincompoop? Naughty boy?

I dunno. Its late and I'm delirious.

Bella said...

Um...I'm just at a loss of words today...

:) Bella

Memphis Steve said...

You never know about that Tupac. He's the meanest nigga in the whole niggaverse!

Why isn't it racist to say 'nigga', but it is to say the other? That's just so weird.

You mean Abe Lincoln wasn't a pickle licker? That's not what "crazy Mary" Lincoln said.

*~*Cece*~* said...

Pickle licker! LMAO!!! I love your posts!

Memphis Steve said...

If someone were to say they were a "chinkie chunkie hankie honkey nappy nigga naughty nappy headed ho bitch fag", would Hillary Clinton's head explode? I'll bet it would.

someoneswife said...

LMAO @ MEMPHIS STEVE

Becky said...

I heard that Abe Lincoln was gay somewhere before...

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Pickle licker?

Now I know why I have such an affinity for dill. Damn...never would've guessed it.

;)

~gkw said...

Why does that guy keep reading you and keep posting if he doesn't like what you write? That's a bigger question.... I think he's a jerk with no sense of humor.

as for your gambling abilities, wanna bet on this weekend's football games?? You'd have a chance of winning cause no one knows who's gonna win! 2nd Place team in NCAA Football has gone down in the last 5 weeks.. Not good to be in 2nd!

I thought Abe was a pickle licker!

Oh great One said...

If she'd have lived would she be charged with murdering the pedestrian? Sucks to walk down the street now a days I guess huh?

jali said...

Just try saying the word. I swear I'll have rev. al on your ass so fast....

Honest John said...

But I do like what he writes gkw...I've complimented his talents many times. I was just wondering why he never acknowledges the many adoring fans like yourself when you comment. Many ask questions that are never answered. It just seems like he takes all his readers for granted. He writes like an absolute genius but forgets to come back and thank anyone for reading. Unless they don't like what he says on one particular day. Then he'll create an entire post about it, cry like a baby because someone had the audacity to criticize him, and draw another sixty something comments praising him and defending him. Then he's off to forget you all again. I suppose he trades comments on your blogs, but that's not the same thing. He lacks appreciation. But he's brilliant.

ribbiticus said...

lol! you kill me! ya never know, though. tupac just might do that...wahahaha! ;)

CP said...

Abe Lincoln was a cross dresser too. Just sayin'.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

i like to gamble and drink while watching antiques roadshow. we bet on how much the items will be worth or if they are fake or not. it ends with us drunkenly screaming at the television and calling the people on there "STUPID WHORES." it's a real quality way to spend a tuesday night.

SHADOW said...

I wanted to leave the topic of your last bullet alone, simply because I didn't know how to address it. Upon further thought I figured that maybe some clarifications need to be here concerning the context of the word.

Firstly, there are 2 different variations of the word that are used in different contexts and have different meanings. There's:
Nigger (nig-gerr), which is a word that I'm sure everyone knows where it originated from and how it was used. It's inarguably derogatory and racist and ignorant. It's treated as any other swear word is; addressed by it's 1st letter as the 'N-word' (just like the F-word) and bleeped out in television.
Nigga (nig-guh) which is a mock version of the original word amongst other blacks. Usually a term of endearment (as put my Oprah Winfrey's fried Gayle) like 'what's up my nigga, homie, fams, brotha' etc. Same tone as 'brother' back in the 60's & 70's, just a new modernized word for thugs. This is the term that you hear in rap songs or by other blacks. There IS a difference, and I personally, have yet to here another black person call another a NIGGER.

Now that I have addressed the facts, in my personal opinion both words are stupid & ignorant and should not be used by ANYBODY. It sickens me when I hear either term and wish people would just grow up and realize it's not cute. It was more respectful years ago to just keep it at 'brother' or even 'homie, fam's or homeslice (my favorite :-)'. I mean seriously, it just makes you look like an uneducated ass when you it's part of your regular vocabulary. However trying to understand your question on 'why are we afraid to say it?', if you mean in a general context and not so much addressing someone, then I agree. For example, "Did you hear that Dog called his son's girlfriend a Nigger, and got his show canceled?" as opposed to "Did you hear Dog called his son's girlfriend the 'N-word', and got in his show canceled?". Is that what you mean? Then yes, it is what it is, the same as fuck, shit, bitch and motherfucker are what they are. They are words, and used in a certain context make all the difference. :-)

Turnbaby said...

Damnit--Shadow FINALLY said what I was going to say and right before me.

I HAVE heard a black person call another black person a 'nigger'--they were not hedging that at all. Some folks don't realize the levels of prejudice exising within the black community and this was done in that context.

I personally abhor the word. BUT as Shadow so ably stated--context is everything.

So if I am describing an incredibly funny comedy album by Richard Pryor I am gonna say "Bicentennial Nigger' --because that is the name and he titled it that way for a reason.

mckay said...

my son learned his true color in kindergarten. crayola makes it. he is peach. anyone who calls him white is color blind and one crayola short of a 16 count box.

word.

Jack K. said...

How can you be sure that Tupac won't rise up? Huh?

snerx.

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

pull a costanza when you gamble and bet against your natural instinct. I might try that for a laugh next time I'm in Vegas.

Video X said...

I was called a giraffe at work lately. I'm tall too. I'm okay with it. We decided that I was a super power giraffe with a polygon-covered cape.

I also called a bunch of people f'ing chicken eaters one night...so I was told anyway. I still don't remember but given the amount of wine intake, that's understandable. Regardless, they ate all my damn chicken so that was my retort.

I called someone else a whiner today. He is a whiner. OOps I mean...he's a w-word.

I called one of the Indian guys I work with Chicken Curry. Damnit! I mean c-c-word.

I don't fit into this world at all.

Video X said...

Forgot...was just listening to this subject matter on the radio the other day...somebody said...

Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.

Also, I was called Moron on the bus in 5th grade by Matt and Mike. It sucked, but I survived.

The Thinking Man's Babe said...

Love all the Harry Potter references. Pickle-lickers indeed, there's one who's posted here in particular who desperately wants your attention it seems...watch out for sexual predators online!

Best,
Andrea

Weary Hag said...

Now wait a minute, if the pedestrian was threateningly stalking the poor woman, it would have been a clear-cut case of self-defense suicide.
But you knew that, right?

Raggedy said...

The south didn't win?
Have a wonderful weekend!
*^_^
(=':'=) huggles
(")_ (")Š from
the Cool Raggedy one

Bennet said...

suicide jokes..HAHAHA
I love it...there's just not enough...

I'm trying to think of some way to poke fun at God & Jesus, but it's hard because too many people find it offense with the all powerful son of Christ. You'd think someone at that level wouldn't mine the humor. It's not in the Bible..

Mighty Dyckerson said...

I know Honest Abe was a homersexual. Rumor has it his hat was filled with anal beads.

Jadedprimadonna said...

I'm glad I stoppedy by back your blog againg because if I hadn't, I wouldn't have pickle licker in my vocabulary. As always, you have one of the most educational blogs on the net.

BottleBlonde said...

Dyck is wrong. Abe's hat was filled with a leather gimp outfit and ball gag. Anal beads were like kiddie toys to a man of his anal stature.

Ari said...

Actually stating the "N-word" would create a shitstorm of lawsuits and harrassment from Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, the NAACP and Kanye West, which would probably be more painful and long lasting than Rastafarian voodoo spells.

phishez_rule said...

There's nothing like licking a pickle. Yum!

Wait. Is that a metaphor?

Princess Extraordinaire said...

Oh man now you took all the fun out of my watching all the highlights of the civil war - more power to the woman - she definitley deserves bonus points for scoring a two for one...

Sassy Blondie said...

*Gambling is for the weak, LBB.

*My vote is kamikaze. It's the Japanese way, isn't it?

*I'm personally sick of politically correct bullshit. If you've seen the news, we're back to book burning it seems.

Dave Morris said...

As for item 3, I like what Cosby has to say on the subject.

Breazy said...

Hey! How are you? I am just making my way through my blog roll while I have the time. Take care!

Milf Gone Wild said...

Thanks for the reply! Yeah, soon as I posted it I thought, fuck, what if this guy's older than I am? I'm sorry if I came across as a pain in the arse, I hope you realize I was just being tongue in cheek!