12/13/2007

A confession and leftover Xmas stew

All right, I have a confession to make. Boy, I've been hiding this secret for a long time and I can't believe I'm revealing it now.

I'm no longer a Macintosh user.

I'm going to wait for NWJR to recover consciousness and pick himself up from the floor. Then I'll explain...

A little over a year ago, I powered up my PC tower and it sounded like a UFO at liftoff -- and not one of those stealthy, X-Files UFOs; one of those big, Close Encounters motherfuckers: Doo DEE duh dun Daaaaaaaaaah. What the hell is this? Do I need to go carve a plate of mash potatoes into a bust of Bill Gates? Naw. It'll resolve. I'll just give it a minute to warm up. It's probably just a gyroscope that fell out of balance or something. So I waited. No luck. My PC box continued screeching. I rebooted without success. I unplugged/replugged it. I gave it a couple of love raps on the housing. Still no luck. Whenever it was powered on, it howled incessantly. How bad was the noise? Imagine Fran Drescher getting fucked in the can by a Clydesdale. Now strap a megaphone on the bitch. Bingo.

The intolerable howl made the computer effectively useless. The problem was the little fan inside the thing went on the fritz. Those little fellas jack-hammer your eardrums when they go bad. I had to fix it. I should mention that my computer was a cheapy eMachine. By this time, they were giving eMachines away with any 50-dollar grocery purchase at Safeway, so I hadn't much to lose when I decided to disable the fan. I popped the cover off the tower, traced a black wire to the little fan and clipped the wire with a pair of nail clippers. MacGyver ain't got shit on me. In fairness, however, MacGyver would have remembered to unplug the computer, thereby sparing himself the small electrical shock I took through the little, metallic tool.

Things worked great after my operation. The computer functioned flawlessly and silently -- for about 10 minutes. I excused myself to pour a Diet Coke. When I returned, the computer lay lifeless. The monitor, a black void. Oh my God. Chips, speak to me. But Chips didn't respond. He couldn't move, beep or flash an error message. He couldn't signal any signs of life. I tried everything. I CNTL+ALT+Del'd, I delivered CPR. I sprayed WD-40 on the motherboard (again, MacGyver would have avoided a small house fire by unplugging the computer before spraying an aerosol lubricant on electronic components). Flatline.

I killed the eMachine with my crude surgery and savage disposition. I was the Michael Vick of computer owners. Oh well, time for a new computer. I figured I may as well bury all my Microsoft Windows problems out in the backyard along with the PC and replace it with my first Macintosh. Macintosh was selling a reasonably priced Mac Mini with the Intel Duo. Now was the time to ascend into a higher lifestyle: the world of Macintosh. Everybody who owned a Mac, loved it. So I followed along.

I loved my new Mac. It was sleek and pretty and stable. It was silver and pearl. It had a remote control and a digital monitor output. It had cool shit that I didn't know what it was for like Bluetooth and Firewire and Airports and shit. Did I mention that it had no fan? Plus, it allowed me to look down my nose at PC users everywhere. There was only one problem: it was slow. It just wasn't that quick. Multitasking was dicey. Sometimes I'd wait damn near a minute to see the contents of a folder. If I liked waiting, I'd date a Catholic girl.

It got to be too much, all the waiting and slow performance and whatnot. So I threw my Mac on eBay and crawled back into bed with Microsoft. I refused to pop for a top-end Mac with the power I crave. Instead, I bought a low-end PC laptop with a dual-core Intel. It's hella fast. My performance problem is solved. Plus, now I can blog as God intended -- from a laptop at the kitchen counter.

So I'm a PC user again, just like you guys. I realize that I may have come off a bit condescending back in my Macintosh Mafia days. If memory serves, I wrote that you all should feel lucky I'm still speaking to you, what on account of me being a highly evolved, super sophisticated Mac user, while you are all still PC simpleton rubes. Sorry about that. Oh, how the mighty have fallen! Now I'm stuck in a world of crappy GUI operating systems, second-rate graphics, antivirus software, firewalls and useless error messages. I'm in Macintosh exile. I've been cast down to live among the little people like a chump.

What's the point of all this? Well, the above anecdote leads me to why I don't have my new post. When I dream up a new joke, an idea for an essay or a bullet mark or whatever, I record it into my digital voice recorder. But sometimes, if my recorder is in my car, which it usually is, I'll jot down ideas on an applet called Sticky Notes. It's a widget for MS Vista. Macintosh had a Sticky Notes program, too, which stands to reason because Microsoft's "designers" are really the guys at Apple who dream all the shit up for Microsoft to steal. Anyway, I used Apple's version with great success. When I reverted to PC, I installed the Sticky Notes program. However, when I recently tried to throw away an outdated sticky note, I accidentally closed the program. Oops. I re-launched the program and found my worst fears realized: all my blog ideas were deleted. Windows didn't give so much as a warning before annihilating all my work for the week. Do you know how many fucking years I've closed down Windows programs only to have that annoying little dialogue box pop up? Are you sure you want to exit this program without saving changes? The one time that pop-up box would have been useful, it's nowhere to be found. Phew! That was a close one, Microsoft. Your software almost helped somebody out!

So, no post. My ideas have been sucked into the pandemonium of a Windows Vista hard drive. I'd have more luck looking for Jimmy Hoffa. But Christmastime is here and I refuse to send you away empty-handed. Here's an old Christmas post regaling readers with my trip to Costco. I hope you like leftovers!


Costco is the reason for the season

Having returned from Costco, I’m happy to report the Christmas Spirit thrives. It hangs thick in the air and infects all who inhale it or imbibe it mixed with an equal portion of liquor. It resonates in the horn-beeps of armed motorists who for a lack of a clean shot stew behind sluggish, wayward motorists in the left lane. It shines in the eyes of the child who gave me the finger on my drive home. Merry Christmas, little fella. I hope Mom and Dad give you the news of divorce this year. And what might that be in your stocking? Are those admission papers to military school? You’re twice blessed, young man.

Retailers hustle all year earning little or no profit merely to survive until the holiday season, where they capture the Spirit along with windfall profits which will keep them afloat until the next year. Likewise, I live for the Christmas Season. It rekindles my heart. It redeems my soul. But most importantly, it moves me to shop at Costco.

My trip began with a gridlock formation in the Costco parking lot. It was the funniest thing. An old man was trying to prove his virility by backing into an empty parking space (the empty space itself was a Christmas Miracle). Had he pulled in, it would have taken a few seconds of everybody’s time. Opting to back in, he exceeded his diminishing driving abilities. It wasn’t long before he found himself in a Christmastime quandary. Through a series of over-corrections, he had wedged himself obliquely between two parked cars. His front end protruded enough to block traffic in both directions. The stationary thoroughfare locked in those Costco patrons trying to back out of their spaces. Several motorists blared their horns in celebration of the Christmas Spirit. Fearing gunplay might accompany the Christmas Horns Medley, I resisted the temptation to join them. I eventually found available parking in the adjacent zip code. The aforementioned driver was ambulanced to St. Joseph’s Medical Center after a road rage battery. Those of you wishing to send a fruitcake can email me for his room number.

I entered the store awash in Christmas Spirit. Several patrons loitered in the entryway while talking on cell phones, rifling through their wallets or attending to other personal matters. They afforded me the opportunity to test my driving skills by maneuvering my shopping cart around a constellation of bovine discount shoppers. Naturally I had to fish my membership card out of my wallet while negotiating the dicey entryway. I had to laugh when the Costco Nazi girl in the Santa hat failed to look at my card as I conspicuously displayed it. Oh, well. It was fun just fumbling for the thing.

As I shopped I encountered several more bovine discount shoppers who in a frenzy of Christmas Spirit cut me off, blocked my forward progress and screened me from whatever merchandise might have taken my interest. They congregated around the food samples and competed for morsels of smoked salmon, potato soup and cheese spread. I can only hope some red and green glass shards found their way into the samples. What are the holidays without the hors d'oeuvres? Merry Christmas.

I finally finished my shopping and proceeded to the checkout lines. I found a short line -- another Christmas Miracle! Well, it was short when I entered it. Fearing I’d be lonely this holiday season, a Marlboro-smoking hag barreled her way in front of me. How thoughtful. But for her, I’d have zipped out of Costco without the opportunity to bask in Christmas cheer. The Marlboro lady didn’t have a cart or any merchandise. Instead she beckoned a son (I assumed after seeing the cart-toting male behind me that a man mustered the courage to copulate with her long enough to reproduce) to insert himself and his wares between me and the cashier. The son initially showed reluctance. He gestured at me. But the Marlboro lady assured him I wasn’t worthy of consideration. After all, I had the nerve to enter the line before she got there. The Christmas Spirit prompted me to yield to the son. I suspected he had enough troubles. I moved along to the next line.

It moved surprisingly fast. Before I knew it I was loading my 9-pack of Duraflame Logs on the conveyor belt along with several food items. The cashier and the bagger both seemed friendly enough. The former uttered a hello before whispering to the latter. It didn’t take long for me to learn that the whispering was about my decision to load the case of logs on the conveyor. Said the bagger “Next time, sir, you can leave the case of logs in the cart. Now Cece has to lift it.” At once I offered to lift the case myself, but it fell on deaf ears. The Christmas Spirit had infected these two like a case of gonorrhea. They wouldn’t hear of it. Instead, they struggled with the case together and placed it back in the cart, all the while flashing me contemptuous looks. I noticed that Cece was wearing a wrist brace. One has to wonder why they’d put a cripple on a warehouse register. Many large and bulky items make there way through checkout. Perhaps a job scrubbing bathroom shitters would prove more befitting an employee in her condition. I made certain to suggest that very thing to the line manager on my way out. Anyway, I wondered whether long hours of cashiering wore her wrist. Perhaps her wrist gave way to the chronic stress of furnishing her boyfriend with hand jobs. But for a possible case carpal-tunnel syndrome, I’d have encouraged her to wipe her ass with her attitude. As a healthcare professional, I couldn’t encourage her to further aggravate her ailment. Conscience got the better of me.

I spent my money and it was time to leave. Costco members know you don’t just stroll out of the building. You have to prove you’re not a shoplifter by presenting your receipt to the Costco Doorman. Usually two lines form -- one for each doorman. Today's group of bovines didn’t understand the “form-a-line” concept. The one doorman was standing there with an idle Sharpie Marker. I saw my chance. I darted past the bovines. Just then the other one -- this one a lady, so what does that make her -- a doorperson? -- shouts “people, we have to form two lines. That’s it. Two lines!” Now I started feeling pangs of guilt. Being as smart as your average kindergartner and knowing how to form a line had put me at an advantage. Consequently I zipped past several patrons who’d arrived before me. I’d be damned if I were going to lie in the moral gutter with the Marlboro lady. So I stopped and gestured several bovines to take cuts. But they didn’t get the message. They just chewed hay and stared. That didn’t stop a lady behind me from thundering past and filling the gap with her big, fat Christmas Spirit. I surmised she had a “Save Tookie” rally to get to. I figured that was more important than my thawing chicken pot pie. I waited my turn. Again.

I eventually made it to the doorman who noticed the Heat Dish in my cart. He disapproved of my purchase. In fact, he questioned my sanity. “All these people are buying these things and it hasn’t even gotten cold yet. Crazy.” He didn’t appreciate the irony that even as he spoke, he was wearing a jacket, snowcap and gloves! I saw he was chock full of Christmas Spirit. So I told him that I hoped Santa would bring him that man-sized penis he’s been hoping for so he can donate the 3rd grader one he currently has to charity.

So ended my trip to Costco and so began my Christmas Season. I hope you’re enjoying it as much as I am!

Merry Christmas.

49 comments:

The Charming Hedonist said...

Costco bovines. Shudder.

R.E.H. said...

I'm a PC user myself, and proud of it. Never wanted a Mac either.

Christmas shoppers... any where they go, they check their brains at the door. Why, people? Why?

This was a truly funny read.

Amandarama said...

Yeah. I'm a PC user too. Mr. Scoop likes to build them from the motherboard up, actually - which is one of the major flaws of the Mac (not being terribly customizable from an end user hardware stand point). We had an issue with the fan on mine a couple months ago. It's a ten dollar part and easy enough to replace that even I could do it. But, either way, welcome back from the dark side.

Franki said...

Windows Vista left me scrambling for a week. Now I can do 2 whole things on here. It's great.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Oh don't get me started on my last trip to Costco during the holidays. The PK and I were in one LONG-ass line waiting to check out...everyone had carts full of stuff....and this ballsy hispanic woman and her husband walked up in front of us and actually PUSHED the front of our cart out of the way and tried to squeeze in line (they had a cart full o'crap too). The PK and I just gaped at each other like: "What the fuck??? I cannot BELEIVE she just did that!!!"

The PK said "Uh...excuse me? We're in line here...the END of the line is BACK THERE." *pointing WAY back into the dark depths of the store*

The ballsy Female says..."Oh...I sorry...I no see you in line."

The PK replied: "What'dya mean, you didn't see me line? Lady, you pushed the front of my cart out of the way to cut in FRONT of me...OF COURSE you saw me in line. YOU need to go to the back of the line like the rest of us did."

Then she tried explaining that she was with the people who were in front of us in line (with their own cart full o'crap)....but we had none of it. She was PISSED but she finally headed towards the back of the line.

Don't you just LOVE the holidays??? GAH.

Merry-friggin'-Christmas, LBB...;)

Loving Annie said...

Windows XP rarely causes any problems.

My empathy though, it is beyond frustrating when computers don't do what they are supposed to and cause grief.

Costco is an experience...

NWJR said...

You'll be back. Oh yes, you will be back.

In the meantime, I'll enjoy reading your tales of woe from the Borg Box you purchased! Schadenfreude is a wonderful thing.

Paul said...

"So I'm a PC user again, just like you guys."

Well, not like me. I've found that once I went Mac, I'll never go back.

But I do understand your need for speed.

Merry Christmas!

ADW said...

I can't help myself, I am addicted to Costco. It's a post that is just dying to be written.

NWJR said...

Bug:

Remember your "iBrator" idea? It's been done:

Click Here to see the OhMiBod.

And really...wouldn't a RAM upgrade have been cheaper than a new box?

Peter said...

Oh how the mighty have fallen, back as one of Bills boys again!!!!
The joy of Costco shopping is denied us here in Oz.... how sad!!!

Samantha_K said...

I'm sorry my mom got in your way at the checkout. She's like that sometimes.

Irish and Jew said...

Yo dude its all about dating the Catholic girls

~Irish

random moments said...

We don't have a Costco here, but I'm positive I wouldn't visit the store if we did...especially after reading this post.

I remember your post about being a MAC user. As a former graphic designer, I "grew up" with Macs. Besides the fact that they are slooowww, they are also complete opposite PCs on all keyboard commands. This is okay until someone asks for help thinking you are a genuis cuz you work with MACs. While techno-brilliant on my MAC, suddenly in front of their PC I'm fiddling and fumbling like a freshman football player on a keyboard that is obviously out to get me!

All my MAC is good for now is an occasional game of SIMS.

As always, clever, funny post!

ZenDenizen said...

"constellation of bovine discount shoppers"

That's gold!

Miss Cellania said...

Could be worse... it could have been Wal*Mart.

The cashier was most likely wearing a wrist brace to prevent injury this time of year.

Karen said...

I was all set to leave a relevant comment, until the one above distracted me. What the hell is up with that, anyway?

The Thinking Man's Babe said...

So, darlink, when are you going to write that book of essays? This is great stuff. Fran Drescher getting fucked by a clydesdale indeed...

Preposterous Ponderings said...

I now wish I had a Costco nearby.

Damnit I always miss out on everything!

Laughing through my chardonnay said...

The grass is always greener when it comes to MACs and PCs. I have a MAC at home and PC at work. I loathe them both from time to time.

I need to renew my Costco memebership.

Sassy Blondie said...

I still love you, LBB. I've used both, and when this piece gives out, I'll most likely go back to MAC...but retain my PC laptop.

All computers are stupid...mostly because I don't know how to fix them when something goes wrong. ;)

Costco kicks Sam's Club's ass!

Jeannie said...

I don't even know where to buy a Mac - I've never seen one except at the University about 20 years ago.

I have yet to do any Christmas shopping and you have managed to make me dread it even more even though Canadian shoppers really aren't so bad.

Honest John said...

macs are for the inept. Problem solvers use PCs.

Losing a list of ideas and replacing with a rerun...the lameness has returned. Maybe you should go back to the mac. It suits you better.

Milf Gone Wild said...

I've always been a PC uses even though I hate PCs which makes no sense. Macs seem much easier to use. Have a wonderful christmas and have fun with your heat dish which I believe is some kind of heater?

Lawrence Buford Buchanan said...

YOUR BLOG SUCKS. Allow me to elaborate:

Regarding this Costco post: This is supposed to be funny? I once caught a cactus in the crotch that gave me more giggles than this tedious drivel. Next time you're at Costco, buy yourself a sense of humor in aisle #3, right next to the triple-IQ brains. Come to think of it, pick up one of those, too.

Regarding your avatar: Look at you. You're nothing but a lightweight pretty boy. Why don't you take that Abercrombie and Fitch t-shirt and stuff it up your hairless, unblemished, perfectly rounded buttocks – that is unless some guy's penis isn't currently occluding your rectum? This blog is so gay. The only thing missing from from this gay-ass blog is a Depeche Mode Dance Remix soundtrack and a poster of of Cher. Fag. You sicken me.

I've noticed a large group of attractive females post at your site. Do not mistake their visits or their comments for admiration, LBB. You read (stalk?) their blogs. So they begrudgingly return the favor. You're like the creepy bald guy with bad teeth and a leisure suit who buys them a drink. They force a smile and pat you on your shiny head. But they're not going home with you. Theirs are mercy visits, akin to mercy FUCKS, only not as much fun. You're their date-who-wouldn't-leave! These hotties probably come here because they've lost a bet with their girlfriends. When they sober up and realize they came here, they'll kill themselves from shame, or at least take a long, scalding hot shower.

What's with that cartoon lightning bug? He's farting a bolt out his ass. His gastrointestinal issues are no doubt from digesting your grammatical filth. Poor little fella, ailing from what he reads here. I know the feeling. I read a single post and I want to puke. Drudging my way through your writing, I felt like David Hasselhoff trying to eat that Hamburger when he was drunk off his ass. The difference is, I'm drunk off of STUPID.

Oh, and I read about your computing difficulties. Here's a clue – your writing makes you look stupid enough. No need to regale us with your lack of computer skills. Next time, have a 5-year-old or a chimpanzee help you master the enigma that is “Sticky Notes.”

LBB, we're all a little stupider for having read you. You suck IQ points faster than a steady diet of lead-based paint and super-glue fumes. Please know I won't be returning. You've fulfilled my diet of stupid bloggery for the year!

Fantastagirl said...

Costco? We don't have those around here.... I'm kinda feeling lucky about that.

Welcome back - real men use PC's...

Little Wing said...

And we PAY to shop at Costco, BWAHAHAHA!
I just got my 2% check back, that was a nice little bonus!!!!

Honest John said...

wow...and that wasn't even me!

Cameron said...

I've used Macs since 1988, and they work fine for me.

It's not a moral issue. Either/or. Whatever works for you best.

Hammer said...

The only issue I have with PCs are the fact that they get bogged down with leftover files, and useless programs that only a reinstall can fix. Macs on the other hand are more stable but replacement parts make repairs almost not worth it.

Christopher said...

I've not used Macs since college... I learned programming on Apples and Macs in fact way back then. Now, I've owned 3 PCs and haven't even thought about programming. Prior to this laptop, I did contemplate going back to Mac, but the cost-benefit simply wasn't there for me.

I hate big box stores as a while, but we've so many things we need to buy in bulk around here we simply have to hit Costco, or Sams about once a month usually... always to our dread and the demise of our typical cheery dispositions.

-C
(http://christopherc.wordpress.com/)

aCey said...

advance happy christmas!

Palm Springs Savant said...

LBB- I'm a huge Costco fan as well. Somehow they just do things better than lots of other retailers and get me to drop at least $300 every time I go there. But I always discover things I want that I never knew existing, in bulk quantities, no less!

CarmenSinCity said...

haha - that Mac thing is so funny because I was recently thinking about switching to Mac, but now that you tell me how slow they are, I'm thinking I'll stick with the PC.

jali said...

I'm glad to have read your post today. I'm NOT going to the mall. Ah, the freedom of an afternoon without the need to circle the parking lot for hours.

I think I'll watch some junk TV.

Thanks!

Enemy of the Republic said...

You are pretty highbrow in your shopping. Me, it's the dollar store--2 for one candles, lights for 3.75 and vitamins for 3.00. Oh, a dollar for tinsel.

Ho,ho, ho.

I used to work with macs; that's how I entered into the world of computers. They are great for graphics and 3D illustration, but they don't suit my needs. Aren't you glad you are on the Dark Side with us? Not only do we have cookies, but Windows to reboot--or is that Microsoft---same company, different purpose.

One of the best things of 2007 is becoming a Lightening Bug Butt disciple. Thank you, my leader.

shoshana said...

Welcome back to being a PC user. I don't think I can get out of PC. I'm a dinosaur when it comes to wanting to learn stuff.

I love this CostCo post. It's what I read to my husband which had him giggling like a kid. Especially your jolly doorman wishes!


I also just moved to this blog: Just Say These Words

Cynic with Flair said...

The Fran Drescher image is sublime. As I type, my PC fan is so loud you'd think those Costco bovines were braying. Sorry you lost your post material, but thanks for reposting the Costco episode. So many gems in here - Cece and the wrist brace, the Marlboro lady and son, and your spot on sardonic descriptions which made me double over and snort bottled water out of my nose.

I feel the Christmas spirit now!

Honest John said...

so...is this Lawrence Buford Buchanan the beloved Lightning Bug's Butt himself screaming for attention, or another 80 comment rebuttal post? Such a pathetic cry for help. I'm almost embarrassed for him.

Mona said...

Big Butt? You circumcised your computer? ...

I hope the latest is serving you well...

Your sailing through Bovine Sea sounds like Adventure Tourism...like crossing checkpoints and bodies of water..er.. milk.. uh.. bovine; and so many ecospheres and time zones etc....

Little Wing said...

LBB, Merry Christmas to you and yours!

Lawrence Buford Buchanan said...

Thou shalt not covet, Honest Johnnycakes.

I read your exchange with LBBitch. It appears you came out on the ass-end of it. You've heckled him for 2 months and the aggregate isn't a fraction of what I exhibited in a single salvo. Amateur. If you're going to do something WRONG, at least do it RIGHT.

You are the Buffalo Bill to my Hannibal Lecter. Go put on your lipstick and pantyhose and tuck your sack back behind your thighs. Pet your Precious. Leave heckling to those who do it with class and style.

Regarding your comments: are you a heckler, or LBB's broken-hearted ex-girlfriend, desperately taunting with the hopes of prompting a response, a visit? Girlfriend, he's just not that into you.

Regarding your avatar: You should ask the proctologist to apply a topical anasthetic before cauterizing your hemorrhoids. Then your face won't contort like so. Avoiding anal sex altogether may reduce their frequency.

And don't think I've forgotten YOU, LBButt-Ram. You're so feeble-minded, even your heckler is a retard. But now, you have ME.

I'll be watching you, LBB.

Muze said...

ha. love this story. and your blog. seems you're a great storyteller as well!

i'll definitely be back. thanks for stopping by my lil old spot! :-)

-Muze

Tequila Mockingbird said...

OMFG fran drescher getting fucked by a clydesdale! nice. that totally puts the ANAL in ANALOGY.

thanks.

how can you even steal from costco? all of their shit is in bulk, so it's not like you can just pop it in your coat or be stealth about it.

Bella said...

Christmas at Costco? Who would've thought...

I enjoy reading your blog. The cooments are just as fun too.

:) Bella

Call me Maniac. said...

Merry Christmas, LBB, and many thanks for your BLOG. It is hysterical; it always catches me off guard!

honest john said...

Lawrence Buford Buchanan has exposed himself as none other than LBB himself. What a pathetic display. Your obsession with ME, even within your alter ego is unbecoming. Instead of taking me on as yourself, something you have tried (and obviously failed)to avoid in any further public forums, you create your own heckler. And now your heckler has decided to heckle me as well. Isn't that convenient, buggy? Someone besides "you" attacking me! You are truly pathetic, and the wiser of your fans will see your utter defeat, and your sad inability to accept ANY criticism. You are a true disgrace to your fans. I think this should be the end of this sorry excuse for a blog now. Your banner is third grade level graphic arts. Your handling of me is screaming amateur. You have destroyed yourself by exhibiting your own writing style so clearly in your attempt to create a new enemy. You lose. Face it. Go away now.

Superstar said...

COSTCO at Christmas? You are way too brave...that or you went on a Monday when there only people there are, old and carton a day smokers!

HHEHEHEHEHEHE!

What is a MAC??? *giggles* JK

Dave Morris said...

On the Apple commercials, I always found the PC guy more "likeable" than the Mac. The Mac seems nice enough, but he knows he's cool. Maybe it's a sympathy thing, too. I tend to root for the underdog.

Plus, I like John Hodgeman. Pretty funny dude.

As for Cost-co, I STILL haven't gone into one. I regularly use Sam's Club, so I DO know what it feels like to be raped for a membership in order to shop, but I simply haven't been curious enough to pop into Costco. It doesn't sound like I've missed much...