4/04/2008

April 4th and Martin Luther King, Jr.

Warning: Re-post.

Hot off the LBB wires...

The ACLU has entreated US Congress to repudiate the collective works of the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. after discovering King was a deeply religious man whose philosophies derive from Judeo-Christian doctrine.

Wolfgang Lipshitz, an American history scholar who researched King for a dozen years and has recently published a comprehensive paper of his work, unearthed compelling evidence linking the civil rights champion Dr. King to the Christian faith. Among the most shocking assertions Lipshitz makes is that King was a Reverend. Lipshitz details King’s proclivity for Christian teachings and his habit of daily prayer. The paper also postulates that King sought God for His guidance on matters of public policy. Subsequent to Lipshitz's publication, civil lawsuits against King's estate are pending. Plaintiffs remain anonymous.

Commenting on his findings, Lipshitz said, “I was shocked and appalled to learn such a revered civil rights leader would be so religious. I’d expect this from a dolt like George Bush, but the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King? What a shame we in academia must now renounce everything King stood for.”

Already college campuses across the nation are mourning the loss of the crux of their social science curricula. A sophomore student at U.C. Berkeley expressed dismay for Lipshitz’s findings:

“Martin Luther King was, like, and idol of mine. I’ve got, like, 9 songs in my I-Pod that celebrate the work of MLK. They’re pretty good tunes, too. Now I have to find them shuffled in 9 Gigs of Coldplay and Dave Mathews and delete those f***ers. This is an outrage. Hey man, is this, like, for real. Did Kurt Loder report this? Or is it just another Fox News scam?”

Several students are organizing protests. Picket signs reading, “Separation of Church and State,” and “Keep your Bible off of my body, MLK!” are popping up on Berkeley’s campus and several other forward-thinking colleges. On one such sign, a student drew a likeness of King with the formula “King + Bible = OPPRESSION.”

The NAACP has declined comment, but anonymous inside sources have leaked a covert strategy to segregate MLK’s teachings from the organization’s agenda.

Meanwhile, the Muslim Anti-Defamation League has embraced Lipshitz’s work. Said its spokesperson, “We celebrate this discovery and look forward to the peace MLK’s religious teachings impart on public policy. Perhaps America will one day know the peace the Arab world enjoys thanks to its religious convictions.”

13 comments:

katie said...

Again, over my head. but don't be offended. dude. i teach the alphabet for a living. i'm about as deep as the letter D,man.:)

You have a great weekend, LBB!

Steph said...

Flippin' brilliant. What's next? Will college students everywhere soon discover that Che Guevara left hordes of dead peasants in his socialist wake?

christopherc said...

I'm often amazed at ow conservative a liberal group is in their thinking. It almost makes me laugh at the people running the world, and then I look up and see their actions impacts upon us all.

-C

Lyvvie said...

There's that Lipshitz again!

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

I haven't had enough caffeine for this yet this morning.

Sorry, LBB!!!

Tequila Mockingbird said...

"just another fox news scam" really says a lot!

Sassy Blondie said...

With a name like Lipschitz...well, that says it all, doesn't it? Lip-shits...lol Made me giggle...

Cynic with Flair said...

This made me laugh so hard it was embarrassing. Besides the "shocking assertion" that Dr. King was a "Reverend", anytime there is name like Wolfgang Lipshitz, I'm a goner.

Hysterically funny and probably not well understood by the millenials out there.

C said...

Wow - did they not listen to his speeches? Mine eyes have seen the coming of the Lord!!! For Pete's sake! How more obvious could it be that he was religious! Where is their sign!? STUPID! Just do us all a favor and drop out of college and go flip burgers and McD's.

NWJR said...

Didn't Martin Luther defy the pope or something?

Jadedprimadonna said...

ROFL! That's one of the best posts I've read in ages!

Shoshana said...

Hey LBB, where have you been? I missed your posts.

Olive said...

Great work.