8/19/2008

Bullet-ins

*George Bush could cure cancer tomorrow and Thursday's headlines would read: “New Healthcare Crisis on Horizon: Thousands of doctors and nurses face unemployment.”

*When I was in high school, we dined at local fast food and pizza shops on our lunch break. I ordered my food and made a bee line to the nearest booth. So did many others. But a rare few thought ahead; they took the time to grab condiments and napkins, items we realized we needed once it was too late. I could always tell who was going to be successful by those students who remembered napkins. Isn't that the essence of success? Postponing gratification, a little extra time and effort to prepare for the future.

*I think our most profound loves are pre-wired into our brains – archetypes for the sublime. Those songs you fell in love with in the first few seconds, the face you fell in love with in the first few milliseconds: It's as if the template already existed in your mind, so that the song with the intriguing tension and melody, or the face with the perfect geometry and features, registered in your mind as the quintessence of beauty. Ping. Cue the bliss. This is what I've always loved and yet never known.

*Chat rooms and their descendants, the instant messenger and text messenger services, are the byproducts of multitasking applied to personal relationships. Don't limit yourself to one friend or lover at a time...Subscribe to Corporation X's new InstaChat Service – only $12.95 per month! Incidentally, isn't a menage-a-trois merely a form of multitasking?

*Any sensible person can see the futility of materialism. It's easy, for example, to recall the item that was going to make you happy and did – for a little while, and then failed. It's obvious to see those who have wealth and all the goodies we want, yet who are unfulfilled or even miserable, despite their good fortunes. The diminishing returns of increased wealth, the temporary satisfaction from acquiring new things, these are easy principles to grasp if you make the effort. The difficulty is keeping your resolve as you thumb through the Best Buy and Circuit City ads. Oh, man, that 50” plasma would be sweet!

*Sometimes I feel like I'm a Phillips screwdriver in a world full of flathead screws. I guess that's why I drink so many screwdrivers. Because I'm screwed.

41 comments:

Loving Annie said...

LLB,
I agree we are pre-wired. Every time I have fallen in love, it's been within the first hour... I just "knew"...

And you had a wise definition for success.

Hammer said...

Damn straight about Bush. Rainbows could shoot out the man's asshole and they would accuse him of light pollution.

Materialism doesn't make me happy but the 50inch flatscreen makes me forget about not being happy ;)

Elaine said...

Second bullet - very profound and so true, I was literally doodling a cartoon guy on my trapper keeper in Jr. High who, looking back, looked a lot like my husband now! Don't ask me why I still have that Trapper keeper...

NWJR said...

I saw an interview with Billy Joel once where he said the best songs weren't written, they were just found; as if they had always existed and the songwriter was the conduit.

He wasn't that eloquent, but you get the point.

mckay said...

how interesting about the pre-wired template of love...it explains so much! could this be why men keep searching for the young trophy wives, not realizing they're using a 40 year old template? i guess the subconscious doesn't plan on falling in love with wrinkles and stretch marks.
;0)

random moments said...

Ooo I love the one about pre-wired loves. That's an interesting concept...

Love your bullet-ins!

Jeannie said...

Excellent post - mucho wisdom dude.

One of the things people don't realize when they want stuff is that you have to store it and look after it and worry someone will steal it. Having stuff also tends to distance you from others - are they friends because they like you or because they like your stuff. If you are poor and have a friend - you know why.

The love stuff - maybe so - I dreamt up my husband just a month or so before I met him...not sure it was love at first sight but I went out with him which was a rarity.

Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

Every president gets hard treatment in the press. I'm sure years from now (like 100) he'll be seen as the genius that he truly, truly was.

Roxrocks said...

mckay is my new hero!

The Media is retarded.

The Love thing? You blew me away with the depth of that. Did you read that in Cosmo or something?

Enemy of the Republic said...

That one on Bush is great. But I think a lot of doctors are unemployed because they can't afford the malpractice insurance. Here in PA it is insane. I think all that began under His Billness.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

You should change your name from Lightening Bug to Grasshoppper. You are very wise. :-)

tornwordo said...

I love the first and the last, well I was just thinking something along the lines of that today.

Dave Morris said...

You've hit on the latest trend for those with little time - sext messaging. I suppose if you involved a third person, it would be a message-a-trois.

I spell that H-O-T. (is spell-check the condom of the sext messaging world?)

The Troll said...

You are showing wisdom, grasshopper.

MsPuddin said...

I rebute your analogy on getting the condiments and napkins first. I was that person and I sure as hell have nothing to show for it. I wish it were true, I might be the next president. Although at this point I'd take Britney Spears over Bush.

Mr. Friendly said...

The "pre wiring" might explain why the kinder like the same music as Daddy.

Your thoughts on materialism strike a chord my man!

Vive la 15 year old cars!

Barbara Doduk said...

Great stuff... I envisioned my perfect mate when I was 12, however I've only found reasonable facsimiles until now.

Cece said...

Yay! I'm a napkin/condiment grabber pre-seating. Whew! I feel good today.

Evil Genius said...

Well said, my friend.

And as for being a phillips screwdriver in a world full of flathead screws? Well, sometimes I'm the windshield, but more often I'm the bug.

Jay said...

I really enjoy your napkins = success theory.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

"This is what I've always loved and yet never known."

Jesus, LBB....did you ever hit close to home with me this morning.

Wow.

katie said...

The first bulletin is right on the money, honey!! and that last quote at the end-genius!! you are a wise sage, LBB! have a great day. :)

Flea's Thoughts said...

I think you are right about the love thing.....I think some template of the things we love are embedded in us before we ever see, smell, touch, or hear them :)

Mona said...

Big Butt... I'm glad to see you are fit and well screwed again & in full original form of your existence ( although not the Pithicanthropus or Zinjanthropus, or the Homo Sapien kind) :)

George Bush should be renamed 'Ge ogre' Bush , he would grab the spoon of baby cereal from a baby's mouth, if he found that it would fill his kitty!


Big Butt you are wrong! Postponing gratification can really be successful, specially when it comes to the Big O. The longer the arousal build up, the greater the explosion!
On a more serious note... success is defined by how smart you do it, than by how many hours you do it!

Yea baby, the outline exists in the labyrinth, the imagination builds it further, the reality focuses it as soon as it lands before the eyes or ears!

menage- a -trois? M/M/F? F/F/M?
Not multitasking, 'Team mating' rather :D

Of course I can see the futility of materialism ( you meant me didn't you? when you said 'sensible'?)
Whatever you get, you can always imagine more & be miserable.
Poor people are miserable, you can understand, but rich are also miserable. Ill people are miserable, but healthy are also miserable
Misery exists in the demand for more, and human mind can always imagine more. Even Heaven can be improved upon!

Hello! Nice to meet you... Screw :)

Mona said...

Big Butt, you never read my post fully... so I am giving you a Rakshosi :

\.
- (
/.

There!

Mack said...

It's easy, for example, to recall the item that was going to make you happy and did – for a little while, and then failed.

This would be food.

Peter said...

G'day LBB, I think you may be right about Dubbya... give a dog a bad name etc... mind you I still think the man is an ass.

Mona said...

I just tried to DRAW a Rakshasi for you

A Rakshosi by google definition is :

Three different Rakshasi can be found among the cannibalistic deities or demons known as The 28 Powerful Flesh-Eating Goddesses....

hehehehe

Susan as herself said...

Mmmmmmmm. Screwdrivers!!!

Also, if that business about grabbing napkins is true, I should be President. I always grab enough for me an everyone at the table.

Oh great One said...

Very wise observations my dear LBB. I had some comment about getting "nailed" instead of screwed but I couldn't bring myself to type it! HA!

Cynic with Flair said...

First, I am in love with mona.

Second, your analogy of the Phillips head vs. the flathead is genius.

You give me a shred of hope with the love template idea. If only he would show up. Meanwhile, I'll just have another screwdriver.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

"Love at first sight" is in there, somewhere, which I have experienced. Yes indeedy.

Chris Wood said...

You raise a good point about thinking ahead - good stuff.

Mona said...

do you still sleep round the clock & eat like an ogre on your weekends?

Just wondering...

Becky said...

I know that I shouldn't but I really have always liked Bush. He amuses me, and I really think we would have been friends had I ever got to know the guy. He's just silly and people try to portray him as an idiot. My husband got to meet him before and I respect my husband's opinion very much as he is a pretty smart guy and he said that Bush seemed to be a lot smarter than he is portrayed.

I never used to grab napkins, but I always do now.

ZenDenizen said...

LBB this is your best nugget of wisdom:

"I think our most profound loves are pre-wired into our brains"

I'm too shallow to give someone a second look if they don't do it for me the first time. I want to change but I don't know how!

redneck scottsdale princess said...

Pass me one of those screwdrivers will ya?


RSP

Evil Genius said...

Stop by when you get a chance...I've left a little bloggy award for you at Life's a Beach!

Bella said...

Such deep thoughts!

I need to write these down.

=)

Beth from the Funny Farm said...

There is nothing wrong with flat head screws or Phillips screwdrivers. Except when they both get together for a screw job.

(and ... just for you... because I know you love the dots. Heh.)

NWJR said...

George Bush can't afford to get sick. Since he doesn't believe in evolution, he can only get the old-school antibiotics that don't work any more because the bacteria have...wait for it...evolved to survive the drugs we used to throw at them. That means he has to deny the existence of the godless evolved bacteria.