The environmental activist group Busybodies For Earth-Mother (B-Fem) has filed a lawsuit in federal court for an injunction against Sun, Inc. after learning that the Sun is generating its energy by means of nuclear reaction. Sun, Inc. was 93 million miles away and unavailable for comment.
Nuclear energy has been a political bone of contention, intensifying after the 1979 Three-Mile-Island incident. Branded into America's conscience 30 ago, the accident at Three Mile Island was the most significant in the nuclear power industry. More recently, the threat of terrorism has further escalated opposition to nuclear power.
B-fem is furious after learning the Sun, which enjoyed the status of an “alternative” energy source, is in fact using massive nuclear reactions to fuel itself.
Protesters in B-fem and other environmental activist groups chimed in. “We need to explore alternative forms of energy like wind, geothermal, tidal and sol... uh, well, we need alternative fuels.”
Protesters held signs reading, “Hell no, hell no. Big-Solar has got to go” and “Big-Solar shines on George Bush and his cronies.”
Senior executives at Sun, Inc. are major contributors to the RNC. In the 2000 and 2004 elections, Sun, Inc. donated over 3 million kilowatt hours to the George W. Bush election campaigns. It also is believed to be shining a little stronger over the state of Texas – a possible kickback to former Texas Gov. George Bush.
Scientists estimate that the Sun is polluting the solar system with billions of joules of radioactivity, and that while the Sun imparts only a minute portion of its total output on the Earth – some 93 million miles away -- the consequences are devastating to the ecosystem.
Dr. Eugene Black, an ecologist employed with B-fem, had this to share during a press release following the lawsuit filing:
While we stand by like typical American bovines, the Sun is gobbling up the universe's limited resources of hydrogen. Then it belches out radioactivity spanning the electromagnetic spectrum. These energies interact with the Earth, causing dire consequences. Much of the plant life here on earth is the result of the Sun's nuclear byproducts such as light and heat. Scientists have reached a consensus that plant life levels have been steadily rising over hundreds of centuries. Most believe that if we don't act now, we'll go beyond the point of no return and that in 10 years the planet will be overrun with vegetation.
Perhaps even more alarming, growing evidence links the Sun's output to global warming. Also, unwanted tan lines.
Sun, Inc. could not be reached for comment. But a statement on its website assures visitors that the Sun is committed to universal hydrogen conservation. It claims its energy products are 15% recycled helium. It also boasts its financial commitments to ultraviolet, gamma and particulate radiation reduction – an effort colloquially known as “Going Yellow.”
Politicians are revving up to respond to concerned constituents. Democrats are weighing the idea of a sunlight tax. The targeted taxes would burn those who use solar cells, those with excessive windows and solar tubes in their roofing, and those with “really killer suntans.” People residing in the Southwest, Florida and in beach towns around the coasts may also have to pay their “fair share” of the sunlight tax.
Economic policy adviser Justin Timer explains that the sunlight tax has a twofold benefit: “One, it dissuades people from using or enjoying sunlight. Two, it gives us the funding to invest in alternative technologies for blocking out and eventually destroying the sun. Our vision is to build a rocket that will shoot the the sun and blow it up by 2025.”
Sen. John McCain, a victim of the sun's radiation as a melanoma survivor, revealed in a town hall meeting that he hates the Sun “almost as much as the gooks.”
Not surprisingly, America is mostly to blame for the Sun's greedy profiteering and environmental destruction. The International Panel on Solar Awareness has cited the fact that while America comprises roughly 3% of the Earth's total landmass, it consumes about 6.1% of the Sun's incidental energy – twice its fair share.