9/26/2008

Hola, lectoros!

My absence owes to some household remodeling. I've installed a laminate floor. I uttered surprisingly few cuss words and kept all 10 of my fingers. LBB:1 Life: 0

Just a few thoughts:

*If "you get what you pay for," why do we "let the buyer beware?" If the former cliche is true, why bother to "shop around?"

*The mission statement on my insurance company's wall reads in part: "to make our clients whole again." Most of the time I feel like I'm being made in the hole again.

*Tonight I watched John McCain unleash a brutal discipline of verbal jujitsu on that empty suit, Barack Obama. John must have paid attention when the "gooks" where beating him, just like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' sensei, Splinter, learned ninja fighting by watching from his cage the Master Hamato Yoshi.

*Earlier today I ordered a pizza for lunch. I called in and showed about 20 minutes later. I paid the bill. Then I moved down the counter to the kitchen window. The youth behind the window asked, "Do you have a large sausage?" Why yes, I'd like to think I do. I know it's juvenile, but I replayed that sound bite in my mind's ear and laughed the entire drive home.

39 comments:

tornwordo said...

Ah, that would have made my 12 year old brain laugh too.

Jeannie said...

Life is full of cliches and people trying to sell you shit.

Laminate flooring is one of the easier ones to install well if you ask my husband. He's done a number of floors.

I like when folks inadvertantly say something funny. Somehow it's funnier

Bella said...

Impressed on the installation of the laminate floor Mr. LBB. I love renovation stuff.

I'm sorry. I can't stop laughing at the whole "large sausage" comment! Too funny. I'm so juvenile myself.

;)

Loving Annie said...

Nice to get a freshly made pizza and an ego stroke simultaneously, LBB :) !

Glad the remodeling went so easily.

I wish you were doing the advertising for insurance companies - it would be much more accurate !!!

Mona said...

hmmmm

what's with the widget?

Roxrocks said...

Were your knees sore from installing the laminate? Pictures of the renos please.

And did we watch the same debates or did something get lost in the translation from American to Canadian? :)

Cynic with Flair said...

Ha, the sausage comment is great. Coincidentally, I picked up a pizza from a new place today and the guys in the place were mad hot. I have been such a hermit that it shocked me - mad hot Italian men just 10 minutes away from me? I wanted to ask them about their sausages...

And bully for you for installing your own laminate floor. Maybe it made you lightheaded when you watched the debate? ( :

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Oh you just should've gone and said that sausage reply out loud! The world is sorely lacking in truly funny juvenile sound bites...;)

Karen said...

I still laugh anytime someone says the word "erect".

Oh great One said...

I love home improvement projects....when they are finished! I feel so accomplished.

Loved the sausage comment. It sounds like something my husband would say....Or says....*wink*

Dave Morris said...

Have you ever had a thick Hawaiian?

Mona said...

Big Butt, that Widget makes your blog look like Times Square & Nasdaq Office!

It is not letting me concentrate on your post!

Mr. Friendly said...

I think the kid was coming on to you.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Too funny on the large sausage line. Today, the PTO president was handing out homeroom mom packets while parents were waiting to pick up their kids. She was walking up and down the street, trying to find the moms she needed. To one, she said, "I'm just working the street." My window was rolled down, and I said, "Uh, you might want to rephrase that."

Rob said...

You do get what you pay for, but you should shop around, because buyers who pay for it at the first opportunity must beware herpes.

Janet said...

"John must have paid attention when the "gooks" where beating him, just like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' sensei, Splinter, learned ninja fighting by watching from his cage the Master Hamato Yoshi."

I can't decide who spins better analogies- you or Dennis Miller. Discuss:)

The Thinking Man's Babe said...

Hey LBB,

Fun, clever stuff per usual. I have to say, I am so not thrilled with McCain or Obama. They are republicrats. Gawd, I wish McCain would recall his VP candidate.

I'm a Ron Paul/Kucinich kinda gal. A total populist.

katie said...

"do you have a large sausage?" hahah! well, i for one have a small El Sausage!! :)

have a great day, LBB!

NWJR said...

I can't wait for that empty blouse, Caribou Barbie, to unleash her "verbal jujitsu" on Joe Biden. The woman makes Miss Teen South Carolina look brilliant by comparison.

Mona said...

Tonight I heard Palin unleash a pile of...( I don't even know aht ato call it, I am so lost for words)!

I'd rather vote for Tina Fey...

Superstar said...

NO doubt that for all the experience both of the presidential candidates have, the BOTH suck at public speaking.

Mostly I wanted to stick a fork in my eye!!!
~shivers~

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I think that Todd Palin must have a large sausage as well. Maybe a momentous one.

Mona said...

period still not over? well, Can't seem to remember this blog's dates...

Dade said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog, Lightning Bug. I appreciate it.

I still haven't seen that jump in McCain's poll numbers that you mentioned though....

In fact, things are looking worse and worse for Mad Johnny...

Becky said...

WOOO HOOOO For John McCain! Sarah Palin rocked Biden too. I can't wait to see John work it tonight again!

Mona said...

HOLA HOLA! where are you!

Midas said...

I like my laminate floors. It's either that or give the carpet cleaners a bedroom so they're ready to clean as soon as one of my five children messes with my floors.

Actually, I change to hardwood after one of my children came up wtih the idea of using my floor as his own personal toilet paper. It cost me 6K 6 years ago for 2500 sq feet of floor, but so worth it. I didn't tell the husband though. I think he'd probably float instead of use the floor.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Okay, enough already.

Put the video controller on the ground and step away from the video game and compose a post and no one gets hurt.

NWJR said...

Poor "becky" is suffering from Palin delusion syndrome. The only cure is an Obama win. Let's all do our best to help her, shall we?

:-)

~Fathairybastard~ said...

Nothing juvanile about simply confirming the obvious.

Scarlet said...

Hilarious! Btw, when it comes to sausage it pays to shop around. :)

Becky said...

I just had a light bulb go off over my head, who would the terrorists vote for if they could? And why the hell wouldn't we all vote for him too? There I go thinking like a democrat! ;-)

tsduff said...

... large sausage... ha ha that is pretty funny :D

Suzanne said...

*laughs uncontrollably*. don't ya just love it when the stars align like that and your "witty" flows forth?

Memphis Steve said...

Stop all this remodeling crap. You are neglecting your blog, and this is what really matters most.

Breazy said...

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Mona said...

Happy Halloween Big Butt!

Mona said...

'Party' Hopping ?

Real Live Lesbian said...

Ok, that just cracked me up!