11/21/2008

The New Bush

I remember with nostalgia the George Bush bashing.  It was cute in its naivety.  People rolling in $40k SUVs, zoning out on an iPod or whatever new gadget they blew a wad on, drinking a $5 cup of Starbucks, going home to their Ikea remodeled homes and custom entertainment centers – all the while decrying the sad state of the economy.  You know, the one with the dismal 4.5% average real growth, skyrocketing worker productivity, 4-5% unemployment and virtually non-existent inflation, year after year.  That whole mess.

And oh, how they hated the war.  That was all Bush's fault.  The other 30 nations came along because they heard the Jonas Brothers were playing Baghdad.  And Saddam wasn't such a bad guy.  That mustard gas on the Kurds and Iranians was just party gag gone amok.  The very notion of terrorism offended his humanitarian sensibilities.  I wish we had him back so we could do away with that damn fledgling democracy.  What's with all the noise, Iraq?  Keep it down, over there.  They're fighting and killing each other for something so trivial as freedom.  What a drag.

So we chanted, “I support the troops, not the war.”  Hey, is it possible to support AIDS victims, but not a cure for AIDS?

I always figured Bush bashing was just a strain of wishful thinking. What a tempting thought to attribute all our problems to just one man. It makes the fix so easy: get rid of the man, get rid of the problems.   Millions of Muslims hate us and thirst for our demise – don't worry, they just hate Bush.  Europe has lost respect for our nation and holds our culture in contempt – not really, they just hate Bush.  OPEC is fleecing us – it's just Bush and his oil buddies. Healthcare is too expensive – Bush.   Another war is jolting us out of our feel-good buzz for 5 minutes on the evening news – that damn Bush!

I wonder if Barack's national healthcare system covers cognitive dissonance therapy? Because we've got a bad case of CD brewing: Bush is gone, but the problems endure.  Where will we pin the blame now?  I suggest David Hasselhoff.  I kid, I kid.  I love The 'Hoff.  I wish I could be half of Hasselhoff. Then I would be twice as cool.  Anyway, now that the elections are over, we need a new scapegoat.  We don't dare choose Barack Obama.  He's brilliant.  He's flawless.  He's the messiah incarnate.   He's equal parts Einstein, Mother Theresa, Bill Cosby and Snickerdoodle.   Besides, the ladies on The View find him sexy.  That's reason enough for me!

Obama's out. So who's the lucky guy? Who do we blame?*  Who do we hate?*  Who's the cause of all our problems? I'm afraid we've made our choice:

Capitalism.



*Yeah, yeah.  I know it's "whom."  But "whom" always sounds so pretentious. 

25 comments:

lfc said...

and can't blame britney anymore... she's making a comeback.

Houmerlin said...

One of the most brilliant blogs I have read in quite some time!

Giggle Pixie said...

Brilliant post! *whistling and clapping hands* BRAVO!!!!

I have always been of the opinion that Bush was nothing more than an easy target for the discontent of a country full of spoiled brats who had nothing better to piss and moan about.

That said, I wouldn't mind blaming a few things on the 'Hoff. Like the little bit of vomit I get in my throat whenever I see him pose with his shirt off.

And Oprah Winfrey. She NEEDS to be blamed...for SOMETHING, goddammit! That bitch is out of control!

But certainly not Obama. Nooooo.

Karen said...

DAMMIT, that was well said!!!

Here, here.

Jadedprimadonna said...

Well, I would say ROFL, but you're right, so it isn't actually that funny, in retrospect. Read this post out loud to my hubby, who applauds you.

christopherc said...

Great post! One of the best, most well thought pieces I've seen in a great long time...thank you for posting.

as for whom we might blame.... My vote is Polosi.

Susan as herself said...

"The View" maks me want to gouge out my eyes with an ice cream scoop.

Katie said...

Dude, if they bail out Detroit, I'm gonna hurl. Thanks for checking out my blog.

Loving Annie said...

LBB,
Good post. Blaming capitalism unfortunately leads to possibly suggesting socialism instead as an alternative - and THAT would be an even worse nightmare...

The Sports Mama said...

Can we blame Barbara Walters?

Mona said...

O Dear, Do I smell something burning* ?

But Big Butt , I agree to one thing for sure. The people of America are spoilt brats! They complain almost for every damn small thing. Even the taxes they pay, when those same taxes are giving them the quality of life & the infrastructure that they have.

Let then come to India & see & Realize how lucky they are in their nation. We get taxed heavily just to fill the coffers in the Swiss banks for our politicians, & face the deception of the worst kind.

Thank your stars that you don't have cultural divides, or they will start to divide & rule.

I have no idea why the people of America are always whining when they have a lot of reasons to be thankful!

But I do not agree with you about the War. Because America or any other nation has no right to interfere in the internal affairs of any other nation, just as they would not have anyone else interfere in theirs.
& they are at fault too. because in the first place, they were the ones to supply ( read sell)weapons to the moron west Asians, who did not know their ass from their face, in order to get rich quick.Now they are afraid of their own tools.

As they say, everything comes with a price...

I remember Condi & tony blair coming to India to sell war planes & weapons when the second gulf war began.

Nice strategy. First start unrest & insecurity in the other region, then go around selling weapons of war that have undergone an overproduction in your own nation, to the neighboring countries of the war zone. So that they can self destruct fighting YOUR war.

Sorry we are not buying that anymore. We saw what you did to the middle east & we learn from watching too.

So now with the contempt from Europe & the ignore from south Asia, you are stuck to using your own military & thereby face the collateral damage that a war brings.

All your own fault. You cannot denied, that Bush screwed up & majorly at that. Your own people have seen that & now they have screwed him.

tornwordo said...

Dude, the man couldn't put together a coherent sentence. That was reason enough for the mocking.

And I want you to take the politicalcompass.org test and tell me how you came out.

Beth from the Funny Farm said...

United Socialism of America-- it has a ring... eh? Everybody deserves a hand-out...


I believe President Bush will be judged very kindly by history.

NWJR said...

I blame Cheney.

Ari said...

Slices right through the bullshit and blindness of being American.

Snooze said...

You have some points about how there are global trends that weren't Bush's fault, but I do think his policies bankrupted much of the US, and his attitude did not endear him to the rest of the world. You're right that Al-Qaeda will want to get rid of the US regardless, but other countries I think will be more amenable to working with Obama.

Cynic with Flair said...

You rightly point out that hypocrites cannot judge Bush - the very ones who are exploiting greed, etc. However, Bush was not, as they say in corporate America, a "good fit" for the job. He was in way over his head from the beginning. Who knows what will happen in this administration, but it's clear how Americans feel. Unfair to blame one person? Sure it is, but he took the job - twice.

Bella said...

Can we blame YOU, LBB???

I kid.

Totally!

xo,
Bella

Mr. Friendly said...

This is the type of post that makes ashamed of writing about 30 year old films.

Well done, LBB.

Shannon said...

Pretty funny how Bush, who everyone hates so much, got everything he wanted for his first six years! They forgot when Bill Maher was kicked off the air, due to public outcry, for not supporting Bush going to war after 9/11...
Good times. Good times...

Mona said...

Blame game still on?

Shame

excuses are lame

So get up & earn some fame

- cool dame

Dave Morris said...

Au contraire, mon fraire. I happen to LOVE bush!

But I must say many a war has been started over bush. If you look really deep. ;)

On another note, you're blogging about as frequently as me these days. It occurs to me we haven't been drinking enough.

Becky said...

Oh I love you LBB! It is so comforting to know that not everyone on blogger is an idiot! It's as if you could read my thoughts and wrote a post on them. I always liked Bush, he makes me laugh.

My hubby told me something the other day that is so insightful, that one day maybe ten, maybe twenty years from now Bush will be known as the man that brought democracy to the middle east.

SQT said...

Oh my gosh. My blog got all messed up and I lost my blogroll and I just found you again. I am literally ready to cry tears of relief that there is someone out there who actually speaks common sense.

And puts a shout out to the 'Hoff in his post.

dr.alistair said...

politicalcompass aside....which is sort of like trying anal sex to see if you are actually gay...... the point is, with socialism, pretty soon you run out of other people`s money.

and a simple rule i like to remind myself of says, if you tax something unreasonably it goes away.

and what`s unreasonable you say?

we all know.

and the irs have guns.

should be a clue.

www.adventuresinlegalland.com