I remember with nostalgia the George Bush bashing. It was cute in its naivety. People rolling in $40k SUVs, zoning out on an iPod or whatever new gadget they blew a wad on, drinking a $5 cup of Starbucks, going home to their Ikea remodeled homes and custom entertainment centers – all the while decrying the sad state of the economy. You know, the one with the dismal 4.5% average real growth, skyrocketing worker productivity, 4-5% unemployment and virtually non-existent inflation, year after year. That whole mess.
And oh, how they hated the war. That was all Bush's fault. The other 30 nations came along because they heard the Jonas Brothers were playing Baghdad. And Saddam wasn't such a bad guy. That mustard gas on the Kurds and Iranians was just party gag gone amok. The very notion of terrorism offended his humanitarian sensibilities. I wish we had him back so we could do away with that damn fledgling democracy. What's with all the noise, Iraq? Keep it down, over there. They're fighting and killing each other for something so trivial as freedom. What a drag.
So we chanted, “I support the troops, not the war.” Hey, is it possible to support AIDS victims, but not a cure for AIDS?
I always figured Bush bashing was just a strain of wishful thinking. What a tempting thought to attribute all our problems to just one man. It makes the fix so easy: get rid of the man, get rid of the problems. Millions of Muslims hate us and thirst for our demise – don't worry, they just hate Bush. Europe has lost respect for our nation and holds our culture in contempt – not really, they just hate Bush. OPEC is fleecing us – it's just Bush and his oil buddies. Healthcare is too expensive – Bush. Another war is jolting us out of our feel-good buzz for 5 minutes on the evening news – that damn Bush!
I wonder if Barack's national healthcare system covers cognitive dissonance therapy? Because we've got a bad case of CD brewing: Bush is gone, but the problems endure. Where will we pin the blame now? I suggest David Hasselhoff. I kid, I kid. I love The 'Hoff. I wish I could be half of Hasselhoff. Then I would be twice as cool. Anyway, now that the elections are over, we need a new scapegoat. We don't dare choose Barack Obama. He's brilliant. He's flawless. He's the messiah incarnate. He's equal parts Einstein, Mother Theresa, Bill Cosby and Snickerdoodle. Besides, the ladies on The View find him sexy. That's reason enough for me!
Obama's out. So who's the lucky guy? Who do we blame?* Who do we hate?* Who's the cause of all our problems? I'm afraid we've made our choice:
*Yeah, yeah. I know it's "whom." But "whom" always sounds so pretentious.