Ask and ye shall re-read (Answers ll)

Remember:  It's not too late to submit a question!  Just ask me.

ShabbyGal asked:  What is your absolute favorite pastime (besides alcohol)?

Blogging, of course!  But for a while, it was first-person shooter video games.  That whipped me into a froth.  Spending 3 hours a day imaging you were in the theater of war couldn't be healthy. So I quit.  Before that, my favorite pastime was popping plastic bubbles in packing material.  I still get a boner every time the UPS van drives by.

CB asked:  Have you ever torn the ass off a lightning bug and put it on your finger like a light-up ring?

Killing lightning bugs for their glowing parts is a contemptible practice!  And yes, I did.  But I was young and knew no better. 

Jeannie asked:  What makes you really laugh?

Anymore, the Finance section of the newspaper!  Also, I've noticed that I tend to laugh hysterically at others' anger.  You know -- when people vent and let all the hate spill.  Anger is funny.  It's weird.  I've wondered whether that says something about me.  

Impulsive Addict asked:  I would like to know how you picked your blog name and does your wife read your blog all the time or just sometimes like my darling M?

When I was dreaming up my blog name, I struggled for a metaphor meaning "flashes of insight."  Eventually I landed on lightning bugs.  From there, all I needed was a dash of obnoxiousness.  So it became Lightning Bug's Butt.  By the way, when I started blogging, I wrote a blog named "Pontificate or Perish."  I was so proud of that name.  I've often considered changing this blog's name to Pontificate or Perish.  But I can't bring myself to do it.  What would I do with that cute li'l pic of the lightning bug on the left?    

I read every blog post to my wife when I first publish.  If I get a laugh, I know it's good.  She never tells me when they stink.  She's too sweet.  But if she laughs, I hit the target.  

Penny Lane asked:  So one day I decide that I am going to build you a time machine. I am a genius and know how to do those things so it only takes me a day. I hand it to you and I say "here is this time machine, but you are not allowed to use it to go forward or back in time" what do you use it for?

Well, the first thing I do is see whether I can stick my penis in it.  If I can't, then I'll use it as a paperweight.  

HeartInHand asks:  Do you have a dog?

I have two.  I love one to death.  The other I hope soon meets with death. 


Impulsive Addict said...

I feel slightly famous!

And if you kill your dog or have anything to do with its death, I will break up with you.

Corey said...

you are an absolutely brilliant person, my friend. brilliant.

Bennet said...

I've always wanted to ask you what kind of work you do. Not that I want to pry into you life, just wanted to know for reference sake.
Based on your posts I imagine you sitting in a cubical.

JUST ME said...

Please, please, PLEASE tell us why you hate the other dog.

Because that last answer made me laugh out loud. And I'm bored at work.

Penny Lane said...

So happy that you answered my questiopn, and your answer was flawless. Sheer perfection.

Shabbygal said...

Yeah I figured you would say that. Which I'm glad to hear because you put humor into my life when I read your blog! Traci

CB said...

So showing my kids to do it was wrong then?? :)

Deborah said...

I missed it! Wah and wail.

KittyCat said...

Ok heres my question.
Have you ever been caught in a compermising position with women?
what was your excuse as to why you were in that position.

You knew I would have something sexual to ask. Lol

Sandra said...

Does your wife realize that some of your blog readers have mad crushes on you and think you're totally hawt?

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Well, you always make me laugh and that counts for something. :-)

Anonymous said...

Love the time machine answer!

Can I submit two questions? (Crap. Does that count as one?)

What is your favorite Pop-Tart flavor? You'd be surprised how much you can tell about a person by their flavor. No pressure.

What's the most embarassing thing that's ever happened to you?

Mona said...

Wah??? Does a Time Machine raise the dead??? :P

Mona said...

Q # 2 & 3 : 'when does your birthday 'fall' , and 'who do you refer to when you say 'Indian' in your posts'