Sixty-five things

I got caught with my blogging bloomers down.  It's already Friday and I haven't written anything.  So I lifted this note from my Facebook account.  See, FB isn't a waste of time!  Enjoy reading 65 useless facts about me.  

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
It depends how much time I have. 

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
I'd do more than KISS her.

4. Do you plan outfits?
No, I'm just an innocent victim. 

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?

6. What's the closest thing to you that's red?
My sunburn. 

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
Spiders and scorpions – the usual stuff. They grow and multiply in the corners of my home and I become more and more terrified until I wake up. 

8. Did you meet anybody new today?
Yes. Moi, my new landscaper. Hola, Moi!

9.what are you craving right now?
I'm getting a hankerin' for some Kenny D's. 

10. Do you floss?
Yes. I have to floss to feel human.

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Those cute little dolls from the 1980s. 

12. Are you emotional?
I've physically assaulted 4 computer printers, 3 gaming controllers, numerous household appliances, and an unruly DMV clerk. I yell at the TV. I cuss at other drivers, and I weep at Whataburger commercials. I suppose I am. 

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
I've identified over 1100 personal pet peeves and hatreds. 

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
If I'm confident nobody's watching, I'll roll around in it. 

15. Do you like your hair?
No. But I'm thankful I still have it. 

16. Do you like yourself?
Oh, yeah. Great guy. Gave me the shirt off his own back once. 

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
Yes. I'm a great admirer of GWB. I would not, however, go hunting with Dick Cheney. 

18. What are you listening to right now?
Psychedelic Furs on iTunes.

19. Were your parents strict?
Only when they caught me!

20. Would you go sky diving?
No. I'm not a thrill-seeker. 

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
No, which is strange, because I enjoy both cottages and cheese. 

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Paul McCartney. 

23. Do you rent movies often?
Yes. I have a Netflix account. 

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
Does my personality count? 

25. How many countries have you visited?

26. Have you made a prank phone call?
Sometimes I'll call PETA and ask them if they have any good recipes for baby seal meat. 

27. Ever been on a train?
Yes. A train of thought. 

28. Brown or white eggs?
I dislike eggs. 

29.Do you have a cell-phone?
I have a sweet-ass Blackberry Pearl. 

30. Do you use chap stick?
I don't even own a pair of chaps. 

31. Do you own a gun?
I've got two guns: one on either side of my torso. 

32. Can you use chop sticks?

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
The wife.

34. Are you too forgiving?
No. I keep a mental equivalent of the “permanent file” our teachers threatened us with in school, on each individual in my life. Too many entries in the mental file, you get the axe. 

35. Ever been in love?

36. What is your best friend doing tomorrow?
She's busy being my wife!

37. Ever have cream puffs?
Heck yeah. I eat them every chance I get. 

38. Last time you cried?
The last presidential election.

39. What was the last question you asked?
How much?

40. Favorite time of the year?

41. Do you have any tattoos?

42. Are you sarcastic?
Only in the presence of dishonesty. 

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
Yes. It was perhaps the worst movie I've seen. A cheap, unimaginative and immoral steaming pile of cinema. 

44. Ever walked into a wall?
That sums up my professional life nicely. 

45. Favorite color?
Caucasian. I kid, I kid. 

46. Have you ever slapped someone.

47. Is your hair curly?
Wavy and unruly. 

48. What was the last CD you bought?
Menudo: Their Greatest Hits. 

49. Do looks matter?

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
I'm still trying to get over the Milli Vanilli incident of 1990. 

51. Is your phone bill sky high?
No. My electric bill is getting obnoxious, though. 

52. Do you like your life right now?

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?

54. Can you handle the truth?
In small doses, yes.

55. Do you have good vision?
20/15. My vision for the future, however, isn't so good. 

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
Between Hollywood and U.S. Congress, I hate more than 300 people. 

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
As little as possible. 

58. The last person you held hands with?

59. What are you wearing?
Running shorts, sweet-ass Pulsar Aviator wristwatch. 

60.What is your favorite animal?

61. Where was your default picture taken at?
Cook County Juvenile Detention Center, Mugshot photo, 1976.

62. Can you hula hoop?

63. Do you have a job?

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
I bought Obama's promise that he'd keep unemployment below 8%, not raise taxes on the middle class, not socialize health care, not abandon our allies, not encourage our enemies, not explode the deficit or spend our tax money recklessly. Oops. 

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
I've crawled through several windows of opportunity, but they didn't live up to their promises.


KittyCat said...

wow thats alot of question/answers
but I do like the ice cream one.
and well who really thinks about which body part they are gonna wash first.
Im normally thinkign about "other" things.

The shower is a happy place.
just sayin

Happy Friday

Penny Lane said...

11. I used to have a sick obsession with Cabbage Patch dolls.

17. It would be cool to have a beer with GWB.


31. Good one!

38. I cried then as well, then followed it with a lot of alcohol and an unjustly illegal substance called Marry J.

48. I sure hope that is a joke.

64. You are my hero.

Jeannie said...

So many questions! And who asks these things? The Butterfly Effect? What????

I do love your answers though. I often think - Geez, I wish I'd thought of that.

Mona said...

#66...so why are you mournful then???

XLMIC said...

recipe for baby seal meat... omg... you are so bad! lmao!

Impulsive Addict said...

I know you so much better now!

On a side note, I woke up to a scorpion stinging me IN MY BED this fall. It was not a good thing.

BTW, "Mexico" is not a number. Just wanted to point that out...

Shabbygal said...

Very interesting!You really met Paul Mccartney? Was he personable or full of himself? Thought it was sweet you said your wife was busy being your best friend awww! What is Kenny d's? Traci

Deborah said...

OMG Paul McCartney? Did you tell him he was supposed to marry me the big goofus? He was!

I am IN LOVE with my Blackberry Bold!!

Baloney said...

Why is it that most guys can't hula hoop?

Jennifer Fabulous said...

Hahaha! Hilarious. :) I haven't done one of those FB surveys in sooo freaking long. Nobody has tagged me. Sad. I'm a loser. :P

Sandra said...

You roll around in your ice cream, huh...now there's an interesting visual...I'm not opposed to it, I'm just pointing out it's interesting...

Adrie K. said...

I've had my Pearl for 2 years and it's still going strong, despite me dropping it 50 million times!

Not So Simply Single said...

You are hilarious. I love the way you twist things around, wish I would be as witty as that...

I would love to meet Paul Mc Cartney...his is one of my favorites!

I work at a world class resort in Maui whose mainstay is celebrities. I was star stuck for years, but now its the everyday occurance which becomes normal after a while ...Y a w n....Gotta tell ya, most of the time I don't even recognize celebrities when they are in their bathing suits and all scruffy.... Especially the supermodels without their makeup.

You had me giggling with the chapstick....but my favorite is the Obama one. Lovely country we live in... but I would chose it over the Middle East... or Africa.

You are pretty funny lightning bug... you should give stand up a try! Seriously!


tornwordo said...

Caucasian made me laugh.

A great admirer? Really?

I think we're all feeling number sixty-four though.

heartinhand said...

You need to write about meeting Sir Paul, a.k.a. the cutest Beatle. Seriously dude, what else have you been holding back?

And dinner with GWB? You need to elaborate on that one as well. What would you say? Where would you go? What would you order? Do tell!

Mike said...

You can't hula hoop? You WERE a kid once, right?!

Philosophia said...

Lol - I love the ice cream one, if I could, I'd roll around in it too; I might just have to try that with a giant sized tub with my hair in pigtails one day - probably won't be as sexy as Beyonce rolling around in a giant wine glass, but it must be done.

And PETA totally deserves that one, I mean just look at the relevance of their advertisements - today I'm saving animals by showing you sexy naked girls. Ooh, does my cleavage make you wanna save a little puppy today?

Diane Laney Fitzpatrick said...

You met Paul McCartney????

Dawn said...

Okay, that was long, but you somehow made it enjoyable. LOL!

Mournful? why?

And, laughing out loud at number 64. That was pretty witty.

Heck, you are very witty.

Hope you're week is starting off nicely.

Ashley said...

LOVE!! You are such an interesting person.

As you know, I swiped this...since you've already commented. :-)

Elisabeth Black said...

This is quite fantastic!

So very sweet about your wife.