4/22/2011

Thoughprints

  • If three lesbians have sex, is it a menage-a-twat?
  • When I'm filling out a stack of paperwork, even though I know the date, I can't help looking at my watch every time I have to fill in today's date.  What's worse is, every time the paperwork asks me which sex I am, I look down my pants.
  • Barack Obama needs to create a new cabinet position whose title is Secretary of Blame.
  • AAA sees 18% increase in roadside callers out of gas; hookers see 1539% increase in requests for roadside hand-jobs.
  • Recession hits fast-food industry: Burger King changes slogan from "Have it your way" to "We'll take into consideration, A-hole."  McDonald's to launch "Every Pickle Costs a Nickel" policy for hamburger sales.
  • Today is Good Friday, or as the Jews refer to it, "Oops, My Bad -- Day."
  • Russians deny cosmonauts had sex in space.  However, they did admit to several "solo missions," if you get their drift.
  • Obama's popularity is so low that when he plays basketball, the team captain picks the white kid first.  
  • Suffered a blow to my ego today when I took a picture of my package and send it to my wife via cell phone.  The transaction erred out with the message:  "Insufficient Data."

17 comments:

Jeannie said...

You are in an interesting mood. Up here, we haven't been hearing so much about Obama. It's like he's just not doing anything interesting.

Impulsive Addict said...

Oh LBB, I'm so glad you took time out of your mad gaming skills to bless us with another addition of thoughtprints.

Menage-a-twat would be correct. Yes.

What's in your pants? Wait. I get it. Nevermind.

Who would pay for a roadside handjob? Ew. We girls know that boys do it better themselves but I guess if a stupid boy wants to pay for one...

Can you have sex in space? I need to google that.

Ouch on the insufficient data message. Maybe next year. Keep taking your supplements.

Vivienne @ the V Spot said...

Am. Speech. Less.

Gucci Mama said...

You had me at "menage-a-twat".

XLMIC said...

For real.

That number 1 just busted my gut. If I had been in the middle of eating or drinking, my computer would have been seriously sprayed.

And now I see that you were able to keep up the pace for the whole shebang! lol

And I can't believe how nice your comments are on my blog :) Not that I'd expect ... ummmm... I don't know...but hey, thanks for reading!

Jennifer Fabulous said...

I want to have sex in space. You know, just so I can say that I have. :P

Haha all these are great but the BK one made me choke on my water. Too hilarious. Just thought you should know that.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I see you don't care much for speaking French, either. Good on ya, brotha! :-)

Mona said...

Happy Easter Buddy!

The Eggs..you forgot to put the eggs inside that package...

Kelley said...

You are so funny! I love "every pickle costs a nickel". Ha!

thoughtsappear said...

"every time the paperwork asks me which sex I am, I look down my pants."

BWAHAHAHA!

Anonymous said...

'The team captain picks the white kid first'- still chuckling about that one!! I will have you know, I was ALWAYS the first girl picked for teams in elementary school. Just wanted to mention that, you know, in case you were wondering or anything......

Later,
T-Rex

Sandra said...

I'm having such a good time here! I love the one about Good Friday being "oops, my bad day!" Your mind is unlike any I have ever known...that's a compliment by the way.

Elaine said...

I had to tweet your 'menage a twat' line. hilarious! :) don't worry I gave you credit! haha!

Impulsive Addict said...

Ok. I've just about had it with you. You haven't ever seen me angry but I'm about to rip you a new one if you don't come back to blogging. Do I need to stage an intervention?

And, because I'm in a pissy mood, you better take my Senior pic down from your background RIGHT NOW or I'll have to...

I'll have to...

Um.

I've got nothing. But I'll think of something and do it.

So there.

I think I made my point(s). Get to typing, buddy!

Diane Laney Fitzpatrick said...

These are ALL particularly funny today. :D

Penny Lane said...

2. Watch? How about your cell phone? Hello 21st century!

8. High Five!

9. Dont you just hate it when that happens?

Deborah said...

Holy Hannah, I am choking over here.