6/06/2011

This MAY HELP

A big political topic nowadays is the “crisis” whereby old people can’t afford medicine.  Evidently our seniors must choose between buying food or buying drugs.  They can't afford both?  When I was a high school senior I bought drugs.  I never went hungry.  And I was only making minimum wage!

This seniors' prescription drug crisis doesn't pass the smell test.  Something isn’t up to snuff.  Snuff, incidentally, is among the finest drugs.  Sadly, the custom of sniffing snuff has snuffed out the sniffers.

Old people can't afford their medications because they take 23 different pills every day.  Who can afford 23 of anything?  If I had to eat 23 packs of Ramen Noodles every day I’d go broke -- even with coupons.  Thanks to an overambitious medical community and a very seductive pharmaceutical industry, today’s seniors have become a bunch of Charlie Sheens without the YouTube.  Not long ago, when somebody chose to buy pills instead of food, we called them “junkies.”  Now we call them the “World War II Generation.”

There’s not a problem in the world that a pill won’t fix.  Oops!  I misspoke (I’ll bet there’s a pill for that, too!)  Have you noticed these pills never fix anything.  They don’t cure any diseases.  They “help prevent” the ailment. They “may aid in the fight against” a disease.  They “can reduce the risk” of some condition -- along with a sensible diet and exercise.  There’s a reassuring claim!  “Golly, Marge. This $17 pill may reduce the risk of my 83 year-old heart exploding -- if I take it twice a day and run half-marathons.  Looks like we better put the tuna back on the shelf.  No meat this week.”

What’s with all the “may help” stuff the medical community is laying on us?  If I’m paying for pills, I want to know they work.  This angle would never work on young people.  Young fellas, would you date a girl who “may help prevent” blue balls by putting out after dinner?  It’s a cinch she’s not getting surf and turf!  And dear young ladies, would you become familiar with a man who “may reduce the risk” of premature ejaculation by imagining transmission repair?

Hell, no!  Yet we’ll pump ourselves full of pills assuring us of no more than prudes and premature ejaculators.  Hey, these pills may help.  So prescribe 37 different kinds of them and make sure you specify name-brand stuff.  I don’t want generic pills lessening my chances for success.  Thanks, Doc.

When you get old, if you ever find yourself having to choose between food and medicine, choose the food.  It’ll do exactly what it promises to do: fill you up and make you happy.  No “may” or “might” about it!

11 comments:

SQT said...

But it's so easy to believe that meds will fix everything when you have those ads in your face all day telling you what a great life you'll have if you just take this one little pill. Why, you'll be enjoying baths on the beach and everything!

Jeannie said...

You are so right. The problem with drugs is that when you take one, you need another to deal with the side effects then another to deal with those. Crazy. I discovered that with pain killers. If you take one type, you need a buffer for your stomach. Another type, you need gravol for nausea. No alcohol can be taken with either. But if I smoke some illicit weed, I can have a beer no problem. Makes you wonder.

Jennifer Fabulous said...

I definitely agree today's generation of doctors keep getting more and more overboard with prescribing unnecessary pills to senior citizens.

I mean, there are lots of elderly people who genuinely need to take medication for actual diseases, but there are also far too many older people taking pills they don't need. And the drug companies scare them into thinking they need them. It's a horrible problem.

Can you imagine how many pills are going to be "required" for us when we're that age?!

Baloney said...

Hmmm. I think I will just hope pharma companies will be taken down a notch by then. How's that?

Heff said...

One of these days, someone will fuck up and let the cat out of the bag that BEER CURES ALL AILMENTS !!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7Lcu4DFV9o

XLMIC said...

I think 'food' may be at the root of the problem. People have been eating crap food for decades and it is catching up with them. The boys at Big Pharm and Big Farm are doing their best to see that we (as a society, not individuals…cuz I ain't buying their shit) keep on making them rich. What's the answer? Maybe we could stage a coup!

And LBB… did you see the People magazine with me in it? And there will be more hair-flipping tonight ;-)

thoughtsappear said...

Excellent point about the Ramen Noodles! I can't even eat 23 cookies in one day.

Impulsive Addict said...

Aren't Ramen's about $.25 a piece? I think that you would just OD on sodium before you break the bank. Am I right?

The only pill I ever take is one to help with a migraine should I get one. My mom takes enough pills for the whole state of Oklahoma. I will ALWAYS choose food. ALWAYS.

Good job, LBB!

Rox said...

I choose food too, much to the demise of my assortment of jeans in the closet.

The biggest flaw in human nature is trying to live longer. We think we can do that with lotions and potions. Who wants to add ten years on at the end? Not me. Live now, my friend! Now.

Deborah said...

Yes about the crap food.

And . . . unless someone's making money with it, we aren't hearing about it. It's exhausting trying to find out stuff on your own and we HAVE to so we don't end up on 23 different kinds of medications ourselves. Hear me? hehehe

Modern health seems all about throwing another medication at the problems rather than finding the root of the problem. Makes me insane.

Mona said...

You are spot on. Infants are getting as many as 17 vaccines these days, leave about the elderly!

Is there a premature ejaculation pill for the tongue too ??